


Dreamscape

by markgeollli



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-05 13:58:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14045754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markgeollli/pseuds/markgeollli
Summary: The nightmarish landscapes of Juyeon's headspace were consistently clouding his thoughts for months when he was awake and when he was asleep. However, this all came to an abrupt halt until the night before the start of his final year of high school. In those fleeting moments of bliss when the world was at rest, he dreamt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! hope you all enjoy my first the boyz fanfic!

**Prologue**

August 19, 2016

He’s been having nightmares for the past six months; never-ending ones that confine an individual to the hell they call their headspace. Consisting of nightmarish clichés of falling down atmosphere-piercing skyscrapers and being chased down a dingy and rancid alleyway by a horde of the embodiments of his deepest phobias, his nightmares were consistent and prolonged for an amount of time that was too long to bear. However, on the rather warm and calm nineteenth night of the eighth month of the two-thousandth and sixteenth year – the night prior to the start of his final year in high school – Juyeon dreamt.

The floorboards of the small, claustrophobic apartment he had rented with four other friends two months prior to his dream creaked and groaned from the warm summer night air that gushed onto the exterior of the run-down apartment complex. Juyeon dreamt of a particular instance where his feet were immersed in the soft white sand of a beach, his ears fixated on the steady drone of the ocean waves, his skin penetrated by the rays of the hot summer sun, and his arms wrapped around an unfamiliar body smelling faintly of detergent and ocean water. Juyeon had never dreamed this vividly, yet alone dream at all. If only he could confine his headspace for an eternity to the very dream that he dreamt.

**Chapter 1**

August 20, 2016, 7:05 AM

The fluorescent light illuminated the darkness of his bedroom and he heard the door slam unnecessarily hard. His alarm was the shrill voice of one of his apartment mates, Kevin. The voice was sometimes like honey and yet, on particular instances like the morning of August 20th, 2016, Juyeon was ready to bolt Kevin’s jaw open, stick his hand down his throat, and pull out the vocal folds that allowed his roommate to yell at the top of his lungs at seven o’clock in the morning. And that would be an understatement for moody Juyeon.

“It’s seven oh five! You’ve wasted five minutes in bed. Hurry up Juyeon, we’re going to miss the train!” Kevin exclaimed.

Juyeon groaned and the vibrations of his voice resonated on the pillowcase he buried his face in. “Go wake up the others! Why do you decide to wake me up first? God,” Juyeon threw back. He sighed and tried to return to the peaceful landscape painted by the dream he was having.

“Younghoon already woke Changmin up and Jacob is already cooking breakfast for us. Get up!” Kevin retorted. Juyeon opened his sleepy eyes and looked at Kevin. He was already dressed in his school uniform. Kevin was an exchange student from Canada like Jacob. Jacob had already graduated in Toronto before moving to Korea, aspiring to be a singer. _Big dreamer, huh?_ Juyeon thought to himself when he discovered this information in the past. Kevin moved to Korea a couple of months ago and moved in with the four other boys. Having known Jacob beforehand brought Juyeon and the alarm clock he called his roommate together in a turn of twisted fate.

“How the hell early do you guys get up. It’s legit still dark outside,” Juyeon grumbled. “I can’t even dream in peace, goddamn.” Juyeon stubbornly and reluctantly got out from under the covers. The cold air of the bedroom met the bare skin of his chest and he shivered. He roughly pushed Kevin aside, grabbed his towel, and made his way out the door to the bathroom to wash up.

______

He gnawed on the burnt bacon that his elder roommate made for the four younger ones. Juyeon lived with four other guys in one small, confining space they called their apartment. Changmin was the youngest, followed by Kevin, then Juyeon, then Younghoon, and then Jacob. Changmin, Kevin, and Juyeon were all in the same year of high school, while Younghoon and Jacob were a year older than the three.

“This was the breakfast I had to get up for?” Juyeon mumbled. Kevin’s eyes met the glare of Juyeon’s, glaring back with equal force.

“I can hear you,” Jacob said, a laugh emerging from his voice. “Hurry up and eat, it’s almost seven o’clock. You three still have to catch the train,” he said as he waved his fork at the three schoolboys.

“Yeah, yeah,” Juyeon said. Changmin munched cutely on his burnt bacon. Juyeon, although being the brooding menace that he was, found Changmin’s mannerisms cute and were fond of them in his mind. Changmin was an A+ student who was consistent in maintaining his grade point average. Younghoon took a spoonful of eggs from his plate and fed Changmin. Juyeon threw out the fondness he had for Changmin out of his brain’s window upon seeing this gesture, gagging a little bit in his mind. Younghoon and Changmin clung to each other and seemed like one unit rather than two individuals.

“Younghoon, quit it,” Jacob said. “You’re making them late.” Younghoon stuck a tongue out at him.

The four boys continued eating and finally made their ways out the door to attend to the tasks of their daily lives – in Juyeon’s case, surviving the trip into the depths of hell that the world calls “school” hoping he makes it out alive in one piece.

_____

 

On the train, he listened to music at maximum volume, hoping he would be able to drown out the blur of sounds that encompassed being on the train ride to their academy. The steady, dreary beat of the low-fi music contrasted the sunny and bright atmosphere of the August day. Looking out the train window, beyond the glass that kept the crowd of people inside the train separate from the outside world, the sunlight pierced through the layers of ozone, penetrating the barriers of clouds, and emitted an effervescent glow that shrouded the Korean cityscape in a yellow hue.

Juyeon allowed his mouth to produce a complaining grumble. He liked gray, gloomy days better than sunny ones. Kevin nudged Juyeon’s arm and nodded at him.

“You okay?” Kevin asked, caringly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little out of it,” he replied.

“You’ll be fine. It’s just the first day of senior year. What could go wrong?” Juyeon looked at Changmin, who was already reading a book, and back at Kevin. Juyeon sighed and forced a smile on his face. Kevin smiled back.

______

 _What could go wrong?_ Kevin’s words resonated within the walls of his brain. _What could go wrong? Ha._ This could go wrong. Juyeon’s thoughts raced at a thousand miles.

Juyeon sat down at his chosen desk and waited sleepily for the teacher to enter the classroom so that class could begin, and he could go home, and he could sleep. His thoughts were slowing to a calm pace until he heard the squeak of the desk chair next to him. He looked up.

_What could go wrong?_

His face looked familiar, but he couldn’t pin it onto the correct name or person. He was handsome, though. Where had Juyeon seen this boy before? He smiled awkwardly at his new classmate as he took his seat. The door to the classroom opened and the clamor of voices came to an abrupt halt as their teacher entered the classroom with a stern look on his face.

Juyeon could hear the heartbeats pound in his classmates’ chests as the sneer of their teacher scanned their faces. He then smiled and laughed.

“Relax, I’m only playing with you guys. My name is Sangyeon, but I would prefer if you guys called me Mr. Lee. My boss requires that you guys use formalities.” The tension of the room released, and everyone’s heartbeats slowed down. Except for Juyeon’s.

In the midst of Mr. Lee’s spiel, Juyeon constantly glanced at his desk mate’s face. He glanced too long to the point where he started staring. He finally recognized him.

The boy looked back and smiled awkwardly. Juyeon felt his cheeks flush.

“Hey, I’m Eric,” he whispered happily as he extended his hand for Juyeon to shake.

_This. This could go wrong._


	2. Chapter 2

_He set his feet in the sand that he sat upon, the white fineness of the beach finding its way around his toes and soles. The drone of the ocean waves was amplified as the world seemed to quiet around the two bodies that were intertwined in the secluded area of the seaside. The sun began to set and kindled the cascade of blue and green in a powerful red and orange flame and slowly, night came. The stars and moon shone brightly above the two individuals and the air became cool. Juyeon looked at the person interlocked with his body and studied his features. His dyed, reddish-brown hair stood out from the light tan complexion of his face. His closed eyes highlighted his long eyelashes and his half-opened mouth sounded a soft snore. The heavy breathing of his chest was prolonged and fell into comfort as the warmth and firmness of Juyeon’s chest supported his slumber._

______

August 20, 2016, 8:24 AM

He stared at his face, which now twisted into confusion as he repeated himself.

“Hi, I’m Eric. Are you okay?” Eric asked, perplexed at the sight of the other handsome boy’s stare.

Juyeon snapped out of his daze and blinked twice.

“Sorry, I’m Juyeon. I blanked out for a bit,” Juyeon replied as he slowly took Eric’s hand into his. It was soft and small, different from the large and rugged hands he himself possessed. Juyeon took this time to examine Eric’s features further.

His long eyelashes batted as he blinked and his mouth, small and cute, was pink from what seemed like over-biting. Eric’s hair, a reddish-brown hue complimented his light tan skin and Juyeon knew, that this was him. This was precisely what went wrong.

Juyeon shook away the stars forming around his vision and snapped out of the hazy dream-like state that was exuded onto him from looking at Eric.

 _Stop it_ , Juyeon, he thought to himself. _You’re seeing someone already. Don’t be an asshole._ And for that fact, Juyeon shook away the feelings he was developing. And again, Kevin’s words echoed from the back of his mind and resonated and bounced off the walls of his skull. _What could go wrong?_ Juyeon felt the presaging events unfold before him despite not having experienced them at all. He felt his eyelids begin to droop as Mr. Lee gave his lecture and the last thing he saw (or what he thought he saw) before he fell into his slumber was Eric smiling while looking at him.  
_____

The bell for lunch shook him into wakefulness. His sleepy eyes fell upon Eric’s reddish-brown locks and his side profile. His cheeks appearing soft and squishy. Juyeon resisted the urge to poke the softness of the person whom he had barely known.

“It’s lunchtime. Did you sleep well?” Eric laughed.

“Did I really sleep through the whole lecture?” Juyeon asked. He knew he was asleep for the entirety of the dull lecture Mr. Lee gave, but he was just trying to fuel this potential conversation that he and Eric were about to have. Everyone had left the classroom and the area fell silent.

“Like a baby,” Eric replied. “Here.” His hand made its way into his pocket and pulled out a napkin. He offered it to Juyeon and gestured to the side of Juyeon’s lip.

“Oh. Oh my god, thanks…” Juyeon wiped the drool that slowly made its way down his chin. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” Eric giggled.

“Don’t worry about it dude. I drool sometimes, too.” Eric’s stomach growled.

“Hungry? Are you not going to the cafeteria to eat?” Juyeon asked.

“Oh yeah, I want to. But I was hoping you could help me out. I’m new here. This is my first year here.”

“Of course, yeah. We could go together?” Juyeon’s heart was pounding, but he was trying hard not to let the pummeling beat of his heart show on his features; the reddening of his ears and cheeks and the stumbling of his words.

“Cool! Thanks!”

_____

August 20, 2016, 11:30 AM

He held his tray out to the cafeteria staff and received a big hunk of mystery whatever you want to call the stuff they serve students at this school.

“Hope you like the lunch today,” Juyeon sneered.

“Eh, I’m used to it. They served weird things in L.A., too.”

“Oh, so you’re from L.A.?” Juyeon asked, curious. The only time brooding, moody Juyeon was ever genuinely curious was when he was genuinely attracted to other people. And Juyeon was genuinely curious in the conversation he was having with Eric.

“Yeah, I’m a transfer student. My parents and I moved here recently out of financial problems and-.” Eric was interrupted by a shout across from the cafeteria.

“Juyeon! Over here!” Kevin was waving his arms from across the fluorescent lit room of various smells and noises. Juyeon groaned upon seeing Kevin and Changmin. But his eyes lit up at the sight of the other person with them – Hyunjae. He then looked at Eric, who had been interrupted and the light of his eyes extinguished. This is not good, Juyeon thought.

“Those are my apartment-mates and a friend. Wanna sit with us?” Juyeon asked Eric.

“Yeah, sure,” Eric said, a little bit happier than expected. They made their way to where the three others were seated having their mystery lunch.

“Juyeon, your hair is a mess,” Kevin said, snarkily. Juyeon rolled his eyes.

“He was probably sleeping in class,” Changmin added. They laughed loudly. Juyeon balled his hand into a fist and motioned as if he was going to punch his two, annoying apartment-mates.

“Hey, leave him alone. He’s just tired,” Hyunjae shot back. “Hi Juyeon.” His eyes were bright and glimmered in the fluorescent light.

“Hey guys,” Juyeon sighed and took a seat. “This is Eric, by the way. He’s new here; he came from L.A.”

“Fellow North American! I’m Kevin,” Kevin said excitedly as he took Eric’s hand in a firm handshake.

“I’m Changmin. Hope you like our school,” Changmin added as he fixed his glasses and fed himself a spoonful of the mystery mash.

“Hey. Hyunjae,” the remaining boy said and waved. He smiled a bright smile, but Eric could sense a tincture of forlornness and melancholy as if he were hiding something.

“Hey everyone, nice to meet you!” Eric sat down next to Juyeon across from Kevin. The five boys continued to eat their lunch and converse with one another. Eric looked to his left and saw Juyeon having his own hushed conversation with Hyunjae, wondering why the hurt and abject atmosphere and expressions shrouded his two, new friends’ faces. Eric brushed it off and continued the engaging and heated conversation he was having with Kevin about North American living, trying to explain the foreign and strange lifestyle to Changmin.


	3. Chapter 3

August 20, 2016, 12:22 PM

After having their lunch, the five boys made their way to the waste bins where they threw away the scraps of their leftover food. Sooner than they expected, the heap of mystery mash piled up into a mountain of disgustingness. Juyeon was still having his intense conversation with Hyunjae.

“What’s going on between those two?” Eric asked, curious.

“Oh, it’s probably nothing. Those two lovebirds are always discussing things like that,” Changmin replied.

“Lovebirds?”

“Yeah, Juyeon and Hyunjae are sorts of an item. I like to call them Jujae,” Kevin added.

“That’s cute,” Eric said, trying to hide the dismay in his voice. Eric thought Juyeon was handsome. And, earlier in the classroom, he was trying to hide the redness of his face and the pounding of his heart as Juyeon shook his hand and held a conversation with him.

“You look pretty young, Eric,” Changmin suddenly said as the five boys made their way to the courtyard outside. Their lunch was surprisingly and uncommonly long, being an hour and thirty minutes.

“I’m sixteen,” Eric answered. “Well, seventeen here in Korea. I was put in a senior class from having already completed some courses in the states.”

“Ah, okay. That explains it,” Juyeon said as he joined the conversation. Hyunjae had his arm around Juyeon’s. Eric bit his lip and tried his best the hide the furrow of his eyebrows.

“Finally realized that we’re your friends, too?” Kevin said sarcastically to Juyeon and Hyunjae.

“You shut up,” Juyeon exclaimed. Hyunjae nudged him to calm him down. Juyeon sighed. “Sorry, it’s just that a lot is happening right now.”

“Like what?” Eric asked. Juyeon was shocked at Eric’s interest.

“I… I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” Juyeon said. Hyunjae made a strange sound as if holding bag a sob.

“Alright,” Eric said understandingly.

“You know what, I’ll be right back,” Hyunjae said and stood up from the area under the big tree the five boys were sat under. He briskly paced back inside the school building as if wanting to separate himself for a while, to think things through. Juyeon sighed once more and the four remaining boys sat silently underneath the shade.  
A few minutes later, Hyunjae returned with a plastic bag slung over his arm.

“Yes! You are the bomb,” Kevin exclaimed as he reached into the bag and pulled out an ice cream cone. Changmin and Juyeon did the same as Hyunjae held the bag open for him.

“Eric, want one?” Hyunjae asked, smiling brightly.

“Hell yeah,” Eric said excitedly as he grabbed the cold dessert. Everyone laughed at Eric’s remark and he laughed along with them.

The five friends ate their dessert underneath the shade protecting them from the harsh sunlight.

Juyeon sat to the right to his partner, looking at him. Hyunjae was precious to Juyeon. Yet, Juyeon’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest as he contemplated the intensity of their conversation a few moments ago. Holding back a sob, Juyeon continued holding up the façade he created, pretending that everything was normal and okay.  
Eric, as he also gazed upon the person to his left, felt that everything was not okay for Juyeon.

______

August 23, 2016, 8:28 AM

Eric came to class the next few days and continued his routine of sitting down just as Mr. Lee made his way into the classroom. Eric noticed some consistent pattern the next three days since the first day of his transfer to the new school. Juyeon was missing. Eric grew worried and was anxious to get out of class to find Kevin, Changmin, and Hyunjae. He hadn’t seen Kevin, Changmin, or Hyunjae either since the 20th. Eric fidgeted in his seat and clicked his pen rapidly, eyeing the clock every five seconds.

“Eric, you okay?” Mr. Lee asked. “You keep moving around and you keep clicking your pen.” Eric snapped to attention and fell still. He felt everyone’s eyes on him and he laughed awkwardly.

“Sorry, Mr. Lee. Carry on,” Eric said, pretending to continue listening to Mr. Lee’s lecture.

After two and a half droning hours, the bell rang for lunch. Eric got out of his seat, making more noise than needed, and sprinted out of the classroom, down the stairs, and into the cafeteria. Looking around, Eric scanned the faces of everyone in the room hoping that Kevin, Changmin, and Hyunjae were here – hoping that Juyeon was here. To Eric’s relief, he found Kevin and Changmin seated at the far corner of the cafeteria having their lunch. Kevin’s eyes met Eric’s and he waved at him, motioning over for Eric to come sit with them. Eric paced briskly to their table.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you guys,” Eric announced. “Did you guys take a three-day hiatus?

“Yeah, sorry about that. Changmin and I are in student council and we had to attend our first meetings the past few days. Sorry, we couldn’t let you know.”  
“Ah, I see. Where’s Juyeon and Hyunjae,” Eric asked, anxious for an answer.

“I thought Juyeon would be with you,” Changmin said, fixing his round glasses so that they were positioned correctly on the bridge of his nose. “Oh, and you didn’t hear about Hyunjae?”

“No, Juyeon hasn’t been in class for three days,” Eric said. “And what about Hyunjae? Did something happen?” Eric was now on the edge of his seat, worried out of his mind. He had just met these people and now things were happening left and right that were out of the range of Eric’s knowledge.

“Are you kidding me? Juyeon’s been lying to us?!” Kevin exclaimed, loud enough for everyone in the cafeteria to hear. “He’s been telling us that he’d catch the next train! Why did we ever believe that guy?”

“Well, what can you say, Kev?” Changmin said, shrugging his shoulders. “With the whole Hyunjae situation, you’d expect Juyeon to not want to show face, especially here at school.”

“Yeah, I know! But he could have told us ab-.”

“Wait! What happened with Hyunjae!” Eric yelled at Kevin. Kevin was shocked at Eric’s sudden burst of frustration and blinked at him in silence. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. But, can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Juyeon’s been lying to us about coming to schoo-.”

‘Yes, yes. I know that. Tell me about Hyunjae. What happened to him?” Eric was biting back his frustration to the point where he was clutching the fabric of his pants underneath the table.

“Hyunjae moved to study abroad,” Changmin answered. “He’s studying in Japan.”

“What? So, he just came to school earlier this week to say goodbye to Juyeon?” Eric was now totally confused. Why would he end things with Juyeon so abruptly? Eric could only imagine what Juyeon was going through at the moment.

“Yep, exactly. That’s why the two were so engaged in conversation. Little did we know.” Changmin continued eating his lunch.

“I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him later on,” Kevin said as he furiously fed himself.

“Cut the guy some slack, Kev. He’s heartbroken,” Changmin said, calming his friend.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” Eric said with a laugh. “I hope he’s okay, though.” His thoughts raced at a million miles and his heart broke thinking of Juyeon.


	4. Chapter 4

August 23, 2016, 9:34 PM

He dreamt, again. It was the same dream he had been dreaming for the past few days. And as he dreamt each night, the vividness of each one was illuminated more and more.

_As Juyeon nuzzled his face into the top of Eric’s reddish-brown head, he smelled the traces of shampoo and ocean water. Eric’s face was inserted perfectly on the soft area of Juyeon’s neck and was supported by the firmness of his shoulder. His reddish-brown hair fell over his sleepy eyes. Juyeon took his arm off of Eric’s waist which he cuddled and brushed his hair away so that he could see his features clearly. Juyeon eyed Eric’s pink lips which he wanted to give a little peck. He held himself from doing so, however. Eric turned over in his sleep and groaned out of being uncomfortable. Juyeon allowed for Eric to reposition himself and they ended up in a spooning position, Eric the small spoon and Juyeon the big one. The air was cold, and the stars glittered in the indigo night._

Juyeon entered reality when wakefulness hit him gently. He’s been asleep for the past five hours. Juyeon looked at his ceiling and lied down in silence, listening to the whir of his air conditioner. He looked at his phone to check the time. It was half past nine. Juyeon sighed as he recollected the contents of his dream. How was he developing feelings for this guy who he had just met and was two years younger than him? Was age really but a number?

Then he thought about Hyunjae, who had left his life with the snap of his fingers. Juyeon truly wanted to be supportive of his partner’s-. Juyeon paused at the thought of still calling him his partner. Ex-partner. Juyeon’s eyes welled up with tears. He truly wanted to be supportive of his decision to study abroad. His father had received a job in Japan and his mother’s family lived there. Hyunjae received a scholarship for one of the most prestigious art institutions in Japan, so what wouldn’t Juyeon be supportive of?

But, Juyeon was human, too. He felt angst and pain and depression and remorse like any other normal human being would. Could the world blame Juyeon for feeling angry at the person who was his boyfriend for the entirety of his high school life – the person who had left him and his heart for bigger dreams and aspirations? Was it so wrong for Juyeon to feel these things?

Juyeon heard the door of the apartment open and heard his apartment mates’ voices. Changmin and Younghoon were giggling at each other while Kevin and Jacob were having a conversation about Juyeon’s absence at school. He heard everything. And he was not looking forward to being confronted about the absence he had a right to. These were his roommates, not his parents and he could choose whether or not he wanted to take a break from school – even if it was only the first week of classes. He really was not going to have this conversation with them, so Juyeon grabbed his jacket, threw it on, and opened the window of his bedroom and climbed out onto the fire escape.

The night air was cool and refreshing. Juyeon breathed in the city air and coughed a little. He needed to take a walk and get all this Hyunjae stuff out of his mind. He closed the window and ducked as he saw the door of his bedroom creak open as Kevin walked in. Juyeon made his way down the rickety fire escape and hopped down onto the hard, gray pavement. He pulled his hood up and inserted his big hands into the pocket of his hoodie. Juyeon just walked for a long while. He walked away from his problems.

______

August 23, 2016, 10:03 PM

He made his way to the convenience store a couple of blocks away from the apartment complex called Mini Stop. He went in expecting to buy some junk food and to eat his sorrows away, drowning his intestines in sugar and salt. Juyeon made his way to the back shelves where the chips were shelved. He grabbed his favorite ones and made his way to the cold, refrigerated section where all the drinks were. He selected a boxed milk tea that was excessively sugary, which Juyeon didn’t quite care about at the moment. There was also an ice cream box, which Juyeon made an effort to scavenge through to get an ice cream cone. Then he instantly recalled Hyunjae and the 20th. The day he bought ice cream for everyone and the day that he left Juyeon’s life. He dropped the ice cream back into the ice box and slammed the glass door shut, dropping his chips and drink.

“Rough day?” a familiar voice said. Juyeon looked up and saw the brown-haired boy of his dreams holding a box of snacks. He was in a Mini Stop uniform and his brown hair peeked out of the Mini Stop visor he wore.

“Hey…” Juyeon said, surprised. “Yeah. Rough day.” He picked up his chips and his milk tea.

“Where have you been, Juyeon? I’ve noticed you weren’t in class.” Eric continued walking down the aisle and began shelving the snacks in their respective locations.

“Wait, you work here?” Juyeon followed Eric. Juyeon put away the chips he intended on buying and the drink he intended on gulping on a shelf nearby, abandoning them as he started his conversation with Eric.

“I asked you a question first. Don’t change the subject,” Eric said with a sly smile forming on his lips. Juyeon scratched his head with a confused expression on his face. “You made me worried you know.” Juyeon’s heart did somersaults upon hearing Eric say that. Juyeon’s cheeks flushed red.

“I-I’m sorry I made you worry,” Juyeon said remorsefully. “I’ve been… I’ve been going through some things lately and decided to take a day off.”

‘A day? More like three,” Eric laughed. Juyeon sensed that Eric was playing with him and wasn’t really angry at him. Eric stumbled a little bit and dropped the box of snacks he was shelving on the blue and orange checkered linoleum floor. “Crap.”

Juyeon immediately squatted and started putting the spilled bags of junk food back into the box before Eric could. Eric also got down on his knees and started returning the snacks into the box.

“Thanks,” Eric said shyly. The two got up at the same time and their foreheads crashed into each other and the two fell back on their bottoms on the hard, tiled floor. They both burst into laughter.

“Sorry,” the two said simultaneously.

“Jinx,” Eric said. He laughed, his pink lips widening into a smile and his white teeth shining in the convenience store’s light.

“Huh? Jinx?’ Juyeon was unfamiliar with the foreign term. “What’s that?” He laughed, confused.

“Sorry. We say that in America when two people say something at the same time.”

“Strange,” Juyeon said, smiling at Eric who was also smiling. Juyeon’s heart was pounding. He picked up the box and held it out for Eric to continue shelving. “Here, I’ll help you.”

“You don’t have to, this is my job anyways,” Eric said, looking around as if his boss would see him.

“No, I want to. Hurry up, start shelving,” Juyeon exclaimed with a toothy smile. While he was holding the box, Eric’s soft hand brushed against Juyeon’s. Juyeon saw the sparks ignite and the fireworks kindled the riveting beat of his heart. His ears became hot and red out of embarrassment. He hoped Eric hadn’t noticed.

Eric knew about Hyunjae’s departure, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment he was having with Juyeon. He even purposefully brushed his palm against Juyeon’s hand but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was trying to initiate some skinship. Eric was definitely developing head-to-toe feelings for this guy he had just met. He literally went into a state of worry for him, having not seen him for three days. And now that he was here, helping him out, made his feelings flush into decisiveness and assuredness. He even noticed that Juyeon put down the snacks he had intended to buy to help him out. Eric tried his best not to squirm at all the feelings he was experiencing.

______

August 23, 2016, 11:00 PM

“Thanks for helping me out,” Eric said to Juyeon as they made their way out of the Mini Stop and into the dark, lantern-lit street outside.

“Yeah, no problem. It was fun,” Juyeon replied, smiling. “It’s pretty cold tonight, huh?”

“Yeah. I should head home then. Which way are you going?” Juyeon pointed to the left. “Oh! Me too! Let’s go together?”

“Yeah, sure.” Juyeon threw a fist in the air in his mind upon finding out that he and Eric were heading home in the same direction.

“You never answered my question you know,” Eric said. “Like, yeah. I know you’re going through things, but-.”

“Hyunjae left to study abroad,” Juyeon interjected. Eric already knew this information but having heard it from Juyeon felt much better.

“Are you okay?” Eric’s expression downturned.

“I feel… I feel angry,” Juyeon said and looked at Eric. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Why would it be a bad thing? You’re a human being.” Juyeon felt relieved at Eric’s answer.

“Do you mean that?” Juyeon asked. A cold wind made its way across the street and blasted the two boys with a frigid coldness. They both shivered.

“Well, yeah. Of course, I do. You can’t expect someone to be perfect and be happy over every single thing, right? Like, you’re a human being who has feelings and has a right to feeling what your heart feels.”

“Thank you.” Juyeon was happy he had met Eric. He was still unsure about this fondness and attraction he was developing. But Eric’s words echoed in his mind. You’re a human being who has feelings and has a right to feeling what your heart feels. “Hey, so can I ask you a question, too?”

“Go for it,” Eric answered. Eric looked at Juyeon and stared him in the eyes. Eric exuded a type of confidence that was strange to Juyeon. And yet, Juyeon liked it.

“You were about to mention earlier this week why you moved away from L.A. Why did your family move?” Eric’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, like I mentioned, my family is going through some financial problems. My dad was told that he was being moved to the Korean branch of his job due to financial cuts and my mom doesn’t work. So, that’s why we moved. Also, I don’t have much experience with life outside of the states, so I’m really trying to get by here. I’m just glad they taught me how to speak Korean and I’m fortunate enough to find a job as a high school student to help them out.”

“Wow, that’s rough,” Juyeon said. Eric laughed at his remark.

“Tell me about it. I’m just really glad to have met you… And Kev and Changmin.” Juyeon noticed the pause between himself and his two apartment mates. Was Eric also developing feelings for Juyeon? No, quit it Juyeon. That’s crazy, he thought to himself. Juyeon looked at Eric and his eyes traveled from his brown, fluffy hair to his dark, gleaming eyes to his high and poised nose to his emphasized cupid’s bow and finally, his eyes landed on his pink lips. He thought about his dream again and how he wanted so badly to peck the pink softness that was right there, right in front of him. He held himself back against his will to avoid making a fool of himself.

Juyeon and Eric neared the apartment complex. The fire escape ladder was still down, which was fortunate for Juyeon since he could easily climb back up.

“This is me,” Juyeon said and stopped. Eric also stopped walking a few steps ahead of Juyeon and turned around.

“Ah alright. So, I’ll see you tomorrow in class?” Eric said, grinning at Juyeon.

‘Yeah, you’ll see me tomorrow.” Juyeon also grinned and he wasn’t sure if his cheeks were emitting steam since he felt his face grow hot in the cool, night air. “Bye, Eric.”

“Bye, Juyeon.” Eric turned around but paused in his tracks. “Oh, wait.” He reaches into his bag and pulled out the bag of chips and the boxed drink Juyeon was previously planning to purchase at the convenience store. “Here.” 

“Oh, thanks. I forgot to buy them,” Juyeon said, thankful. Juyeon had forgotten all about drowning his sorrows in the junk food. And yet, Eric had thought about him. Juyeon felt warm inside. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Eric said smiling. He turned around and continued on his path home. Juyeon climbed up the fire escape up to his apartment, his face blushing as he smiled as big as the crescent moon shining down in the night sky on him and the boy walking home.


	5. Chapter 5

August 27, 2016, 8:24 AM

He didn’t go against what he had told Eric that night – that amazing, starlit night. He came to class the following day and did so consecutively and consistently. He dragged himself to the hell he attended to graduate from and receive a piece of paper as a form of recognition and verification to see the one person that parted the storm clouds of his life and illuminated it with sunlight and happiness.

Juyeon sat down at his desk on Thursday morning with a big smile on his face. He recollected the events of the past four days with Eric. There wasn’t anything spectacular that happened between the two boys. Juyeon was just really happy to have met such an amazing person. He felt warm inside and happier than his usual self. Juyeon thought back to the 23rd, climbing up the fire escape with the plastic bag filled with the snacks Eric had given to him. It was a small gesture that imprinted in Juyeon’s mind and left him with the feeling of giddiness.

______

August 23, 2016, 11:24 PM

_It’s literally just a snack Juyeon_ , he remembered himself thinking that night. Calm down, it’s probably nothing. He just wants to be friends. He climbed back into his room, Kevin already asleep, and couldn’t get the thought of his new friend out of his mind. His brown hair and his dark eyes and his profound nose and his… his pink lips. Juyeon slept that night with a smile on his face.

______

August 24, 2016, 6:05 AM

The next morning, Juyeon remembered waking up at six o’clock in the morning; he woke up even before anyone else had with the exception of Jacob who was already having his morning coffee. He was seated at the kitchen table sipping on the dark, steaming beverage scrolling through his cellphone.

“Woah, you’re up early. I didn’t see you last night,” Jacob said, eyeing Juyeon who was holding his towel on his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah, I took a stroll,” Juyeon replied, embarrassed.

“Let me know next time, so that I don’t worry,” Jacob said. “How’re you feeling?” Jacob’s concerned face usually irritated Juyeon, but, for some strange reason, Juyeon felt comforted by the fact that his older brother was worried about him. Juyeon scratched his head, ruffling his dark hair.

“Getting by,” he replied. “I kind of feel angry at the whole situation.” Juyeon surprised himself with his sudden burst of openness. He continued anyway. “Like, I’m sorry for not feeling more supportive than angry. Don’t get me wrong I am supportive of his decision. I love him, and I want him to succeed in life and if that means having to move away from home, then so be it!”

Jacob nodded. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re human.”

“But you know what? The whole thing is messed up if you think about it. I’ve known him for four years and I’ve been his boyfriend for that exact amount of time. At least let me know ahead of time that you’re going to leave my life! Don’t wait until the day that you leave! And don’t use an excuse like ‘I didn’t want to let you think about it’ either!” Juyeon was on the verge of tears and Jacob had sensed it upon hearing a break in his younger brother’s voice. Juyeon was breaking, starting with his lips and then his eyes and as Jacob put his coffee down, stood up, and took Juyeon into his arms where he embraced him, Juyeon sobbed into his brother’s chest.

______

August 24, 2016, 12:15 PM

He remembered that Eric had laughed as he told him a joke underneath the shade of the large tree in the center of the courtyard which they had sat underneath on the day they had first met. Juyeon kept his promise (or what seemed like he promised) of showing up to school. He wanted to see Eric and he wanted to hear his voice. Juyeon found a sense of comfort in the company of Eric. Juyeon wondered if Eric felt the same way for him that he had for Eric. The constant war of his thoughts stressed Juyeon out, making him fidgety and uneasy. Eric noticed this.

“You okay?” he asked, his cute lips upturned into a smile.

“Just a lot on my mind,” Juyeon said, mirroring Eric’s smile.

“Hey, don’t think too much. It’s bad for you.” Eric scooched over and slung his arm around Juyeon’s shoulders and brought his other arm in front of Juyeon’s chest where he interlocked his fingers together. In Eric’s embrace, Juyeon was flustered and his cheeks blazed red from an uprush of blood into his face. Eric squeezed his friend while placing his cheek on Juyeon’s shoulder. “It’s okay.”

Juyeon had forgotten about everything else that had happened that day. This one instance underneath the courtyard tree was emblazoned in his brain and everything else was of insignificance.

______

August 27, 2016, 8:25 AM

His cheek was planted in his palm as he daydreamed. He was staring out the window at the bright, blue sky and the white, fluffy clouds that breezed by.

The door to the classroom opened and Mr. Lee scurried in with his big suitcase, his tie not properly fastened around his neck, swaying around messily. Juyeon was shook back to reality at the sudden flurry of noises.

‘Good morning everyone! Sorry I’m late,” Mr. Lee announced. The class replied back with their own “good morning.” Juyeon felt like something was off about today. He looked around the classroom and noticed that someone was missing. The chair to the right of him was usually occupied by the person that Juyeon got out of bed to see these past few days. 

_Where’s Eric?_ Juyeon thought to himself. _Is he okay? Why isn’t he here?_ Juyeon felt the rising anxiousness build up in his chest and felt the pangs of it in his heart, lasting for the rest of school day from the sudden absence of his friend.

______

He hurried to get out of class and ran for the earliest train he could catch home, leaving Kevin and Changmin behind. Juyeon boarded the train just in time, making his way home, and ran for the Mini Stop that Eric worked at. Juyeon was looking around the store, searching each aisle for his brown-haired friend. Another worker noticed his frantic nature.

“Can I help you, sir?” the worker asked.

“Is Eric here? He wasn’t at school today,” Juyeon asked, out of breath.

“Oh, he’s off on Thursdays. Sorry about that.” The worker went back to what she was working on. Where the hell is he? I’m worried sick! Juyeon thought. This was probably how he felt when I wasn’t at school. Juyeon rubbed his eyes and scratched his head. He made his way back outside onto the gray, paved sidewalk. His worriedness intensified with each tick of the clock.

“Juyeon, there you are!” Juyeon’s eyes widened and turned around hoping it’d be the person he so desperately wanted to see. But he was soon shot back down into worriedness and disappointment. Kevin and Changmin walked up to him. 

“Why’d you leave us? We’re supposed to ride the same train,” Changmin said.

“Sorry, I was in a hurry. Eric wasn’t at school today. I’ve been trying to look for him all day.” Juyeon bent down and placed his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“Here,” Kevin said as he handed him a bottle of water. “Maybe Eric’s sick or something. Don’t worry too much. Why do you look so worried? It’s like you’ve got a crush on the guy or something.”

“You shut up!” Juyeon exclaimed, motioning his fist in front of Kevin’s face.

“Wait,” Changmin said, hesitantly. “Do you… have a crush on Eric?” Juyeon capped the water bottle and threw it into Changmin’s hands.

“Mind your own business. The both of you!” Juyeon turned around and made his way to the apartment at a brisk pace, putting as much distance between him and the two interrogators he wanted to now avoid.

Kevin and Changmin exchanged looks with their eyes, suspecting the evident adoration that Juyeon was now developing for Eric.

“Look at him all flustered. That guy is in love my friend,” Kevin said to Changmin with a sigh and hands on his hips. “This is going to turn into another you and Younghoon, I bet you $50.”

“You shut up, too!” Changmin yelled as he threw the water bottle at Kevin roughly and stormed after Juyeon back to the apartment.

“I live with a bunch of hot-heads. I need a vacation.” Kevin followed his two angry roommates, drinking from the water bottle that was recently thrown at him.


	6. Chapter 6

August 27, 2016, 10:34 PM

After eating dinner, which was pretty good despite Younghoon’s cooking skills, the five apartment mates went to their respective rooms to once again end the day in their beds. Kevin made the weird choice of crawling into Jacob’s bed for the night, but Juyeon didn’t want to think about what Kevin was doing. He was still angry at the assumptions of his so-called “crush” on Eric. _I do not have a crush on the guy. He probably wouldn’t even like me back. He’s just really nice and we’re becoming really good friends. And I love being around him…_ Juyeon thought to himself, obviously distressed. He whimpered and screamed into his pillow.

The soft, yellow light of his lamp illuminated the bedroom and cast shadows around the room. Juyeon’s distress and denial contrasted the mellow and calm atmosphere of his bedroom. He was glad that Kevin decided to switch rooms for the night. He couldn’t allow himself to see him like this: a mess. The guy is two years younger than me. How can I possibly have a crush on him? Is it so wrong to feel worried about someone? Goddamn, Juyeon questioned in his mind.

He began kicking and turning in his bed underneath the sheets vigorously, making inhumane sounds in the process. Juyeon’s feelings bounced around the room like a bouncy ball at full speed, ready to strike someone in the face and knock them out. Juyeon once again screamed into his pillow but stopped and froze abruptly when he heard the sound of sharp knocking on glass. He looked at his windows, poking his head out from underneath the covers. His shocked reaction was emphasized by his shocked face upon realizing who the source of the knock was.

There, outside his bedroom window on the fire escape, was Eric. His face was hardened by the fierce features of sad eyebrows and red eyes. Juyeon quickly threw the covers up over him, grabbed the t-shirt he had thrown off, and put it on, covering his bare torso. He then made his way to the window and opened it. The night air entered the bedroom and the city smells did so as well.

“Eric?” Juyeon said with a quizzical tone. “What… what’re you doing here?”

“Hey, sorry. It’s late. Could I… could I come in?” Eric’s voice was soft and Juyeon heard a hint of sadness in the tone of his voice.

“Yeah, of course. Wait, what’s wrong?” Juyeon asked as he made way for Eric to enter the small window space into his small bedroom. “What happened?” Eric was now whimpering as tears rolled down his now pink cheeks.

“Can… can I sit?” Eric asked as he paced the small, wooden-floored area.

“Go for it. My bed though, Kev hates when others sit or lay in his bed.” Juyeon pointed to the bed on the right side of the room. “Eric, what’s wrong?” Juyeon sat next to Eric, who was crying softly. “Hey. Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry.” Juyeon didn’t know what to do. He thought back to how Eric hugged him that one sunny day. Juyeon mirrored his friend’s actions and slung his arm over Eric’s shoulder, trying his best to comfort his crying companion. Finally, Eric spoke.

“My parents are fighting, again,” Eric said, biting back a sob. “They’ve been fighting for the past two days. Over some stupid things. I’m sick of it.” Eric suddenly placed his head on Juyeon’s shoulder.

“Hey, I don’t know what to say, but I’m here to listen and support you, okay?” Juyeon asked, consoling Eric. The younger forced a smile and nodded. “You can talk to me, okay.” Eric nodded once more.

“All I’ve been hearing is shouting, even late at night. I can’t even study or sleep and I don’t want to say anything to them. Because what can I say, really?” Eric’s voice now sounded angry. “They don’t even pay attention to me half of the time! All my dad is concerned about is money and my mom is having such a hard time budgeting our finances! I needed somewhere to go, and you’re the first person I thought of. Sorry.” Eric’s face hung low and his dismayed features broke Juyeon’s heart.

“If you need to, you can sleep here tonight. Jacob won’t mind,” Juyeon reassured.

“Jacob?” Eric asked, curiously. He wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Yeah, the eldest here at the apartment. They’re all probably asleep by now, but he won’t mind.” Juyeon patted Eric’s shoulder, consolingly.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” Eric sniffled. Juyeon grabbed a box of tissues on the bookshelf and offered one to Eric, pointing at Eric nose and tear-stained cheeks. Eric took one and he blew his nose loudly. Juyeon laughed and Eric did, too.

“You sound like an elephant,” Juyeon said.

“Hey!” Eric punched Juyeon’s shoulder playfully. He laughed.

“What? You’re cute!” Juyeon said. And instantly regretted the word he had chosen to use. “I… I mean _the sound_ is cute!”

“I’m cute?” Eric asked, smiling at Juyeon.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant! I meant your-.”

“Oh, so now I’m not cute?” Eric pouted at Juyeon

“You are, but-,” Juyeon exclaimed, trying to excuse his mistake.

“Oh?” Eric smirked.

“Wait! I'm confused,!” Juyeon was blushing and his ears were hot. Eric giggled and poked Juyeon in the stomach. Juyeon flinched at the sudden pressure imposed on his pressure point and grabbed Eric’s wrist. “Stop! That tickles!” Juyeon laughed.

“I’m only playing with you. I know I’m cute,” Eric explained, sassily.

“Mmhmm,” Juyeon replied. His cheeks were as red as an apple and he was feeling all sorts of embarrassment.

“Well, I think you’re cute too,” Eric said under his breath.

“What was that?” Juyeon asked. Eric looked up at Juyeon and stared at him straight in the eyes.

“I said I think you’re cute too,” Eric said cutely, almost puppy-dog like. Juyeon squirmed inside his mind and felt like kicking and flailing around from all the emotions he was now bombarded with. Juyeon composed himself and braced himself for what he was now about to ask his friend. He mustered up all the courage he could and asked the question that could possibly end the prolonged amount of stress that he was undergoing.

“Wait, do you… do you have feelings for me, Eric?” Juyeon felt that this was the moment of truth. Juyeon felt his forehead beaded with sweat.

“Wait, what? I don’t go that way, Juyeon,” Eric said, with a look of disgust on his face.

“Oh, my bad. I just assumed-.” Eric slapped Juyeon on the arm. Juyeon was struck by surprise at the sudden physicality that Eric performed.

“Idiot,” Eric laughed. “I’m joking! Isn’t it obvious.” Eric glared at Juyeon playfully. Juyeon looked Eric back in the eyes, the chocolate-hazel brown eyes that glowed in the soft, yellow lamplight.

“So… you do?” Juyeon asked, slowly. Eric nodded cutely with a big smile on his face. It was as if the sorrow Eric was feeling a few moments ago dissipated. Juyeon was glad to be the source of Eric’s happiness or at least one of the sources of his joy. “Oh, thank god. I was going out of my mind trying to figure out whether or not you did have them for the past week.”

“I’m assuming that you do, too,” Eric asked, skeptically. “I mean, I do notice the way you look at me, Juyeon.”

_I can’t believe I’m admitting to defeat. Were Kevin and Changmin right? Did I have a crush on Eric?_ Juyeon thought to himself, once again. He stared at his friend’s face. The softness of everything made Juyeon melt. _Screw it. I have feelings for this dork._

“Yeah… I do?” Juyeon said, hesitating. Eric looked confused.

“You don’t seem so sure about that,” Eric sighed, disappointed.

“No! I do, Eric! I do,” Juyeon began to say loudly. His large hands were on his shoulders now.

“You do what?” Eric said, grinning at the older boy that held him in his hands.

“I… I _do_ have feelings for you, Eric,” Juyeon had finally admitted. Juyeon felt as if the entire weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt free and loose and happy. Eric smiled a genuine, happy smile and hugged Juyeon, his arms gripping his waist tightly, his face buried in the older boy’s chest. Juyeon was slightly taken aback by the sudden skinship, but quickly returned the embrace and slightly squeezed Eric around the shoulders with his body and nuzzled his chin on the top of his head. Eric smelled nice, like detergent and clean linen.

Juyeon smelled like freshly washed clothes and Eric loved that. It made the hug much more enjoyable for Eric. He slowly breathed in the scent that Juyeon had. Eric released himself slightly from the hug and yawned.

Juyeon noticed that Eric was falling into sleepiness and also released himself from the hug.

“Tired?” Juyeon asked. “Must have been a rough day?”

“Stop stealing my words, Juyeon,” Eric said with a laugh with sleepy eyes. Juyeon smiled at the younger boy. He was amazed by his confidence and cuteness. For some odd reason, his eyes kept landing on the pink flesh of Eric’s lips. Juyeon had to restrain himself multiple times. Eric embraced the older boy again and Juyeon let his body contort to the shape of Eric’s cuddle.

“It is getting late. We should get some sleep,” Juyeon indicated. He yawned while his chin was placed on the top of Eric’s head. “You’ll have to sleep next to me, ‘cause of Kev.”

“I’m fine with that,” Eric said, happily and quickly. Juyeon giggled softly and moved from a sitting position to a laying one on the bed and patted the space next to him for Eric to position himself as well. He did so and the warmth of the two bodies comforted the two boys. Juyeon reached over to the light switch of the lamp and brought the room into darkness.

Juyeon threw the warm, fuzzy blanket he slept with over the two of them. He didn’t know how to react to being placed next to Eric who was now looking at him, his eyes drooping slowly, adjusting to the darkness that now encompassed the both of them. Once Juyeon’s eyes were adjusted, he had noticed that Eric’s eyes were glossy and reflected the moonlight that entered the room from the window. The glossiness rolled down his cheek and Eric sniffled.

“Hey, everything is going to be okay.” Juyeon pulled Eric closer and cradled him in his body, the warmth intense and profound. Juyeon felt Eric nod as he nuzzled himself into Juyeon’s cuddle, breathing in his comforting, fresh smell. The room fell silent and the two boys fell into a peaceful and comfortable slumber, having each other to hold during their time of hardship and pain.


	7. Chapter 7

August 28, 2016, 5:23 AM

He opened his eyes. The faint breathing of the person he held was deep and prolonged. He looked at Eric who was still deep in sleep. Careful not to wake the cute puppy-like boy, Juyeon reached over across his body and grabbed his cell phone that was placed on the wooden nightstand. Looking at the time – which was 5:23 AM, unusually early for Juyeon to be awake already – he noticed that he had received a couple of messages from an unknown number. He unlocked his phone, the harsh brightness of the LED screen shining brightly on his face. He squinted his eyes as he made an effort to lower the blinding brightness. Juyeon read the ten messages that he received from the mysterious source.

_hey. you awake?_

_ur probably not awake. ima keep texting you tho._

_i really want to talk to you, juyeon._

_also wanted to let you kno that i made it to the university here in japan._

Juyeon paused. Did Hyunjae really have to make his way back into his life? Through text? Juyeon still retained almost all of the anger he had been feeling for the past week and was experiencing a relapse.

_we didn’t really end off on a good note last week, huh?_

_i want to say i’m sorry, u have all the right in the world to be angry with me. and i’m sorry for ending things so abruptly with u._

Juyeon chuckled. I should’ve just ended things with you from the start, he thought to himself.

_well, if u want to reply to me, that’d mean the world to me. i really want to talk things thru. we didn’t get a chance to._

Juyeon was utterly disgusted by his ex-boyfriend’s denseness. _We had all the time in the world and all the chances to “talk things through,”_ he scoffed in his mind. He continued reading the messages with a loathing expression.

_i’m sorry juyeon. i really am… call me. this is my new number. good night, i love you._

“No, you don’t!” Juyeon said loudly. He deleted the chat entirely, discarding the unsaved number completely and threw his phone to the side where it hit the wall with a loud slap. Juyeon scratched his head, utterly frustrated with this whole situation. Eric shuffled under the covers and was roused from his slumber. He stretched his arms and legs and let out a long groan. “Oh, crap. Sorry, Eric,” Juyeon whispered to the boy he had woken up.

“What time is it?” Eric asked, sleepiness still shrouding his voice.

“It’s early. 5:30,” Juyeon replied. He put a hand on Eric's head and ruffled his sleep-ruined hair. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“I’ve had better,” Eric said, his voice raspy. He chuckled at his remark. “I did like how you snored all through last night. It’s cute.” Juyeon was taken aback.

“I do not snore! Even my mom told me so!” Juyeon was offended by the revelation that Eric had given him.

“Umm, yes you do. It isn’t as bad as me sounding like an elephant though,” Eric said, nudging Juyeon on the shoulder with a fist. Juyeon laughed softly. “It’s a soft and light snore. Don’t worry, it’s cute.” Juyeon couldn’t help but feel giddy inside. “By the way, why’d you yell earlier?”

“Oh, that? It’s nothing, just some random number trying to text me. It’s nothing,” Juyeon reassured.

“Well, let’s hope the person doesn’t text again,” Eric said, agreeing with his companion. Suddenly, the bedroom door opened swiftly.

“Juyeon, who are you talking t-,” Kevin exclaimed as he flicked the lights on upon entering the room with a towel around his waist, his bare torso exposed, and his hair wet from taking a shower. He froze in his tracks as he saw Eric and Juyeon in the same bed. “Oh. Eric?”

“Hey, Kev,” Eric said, his hair standing up and his eyes squinting from the sudden bombardment of light.

“Eric stayed the night. You all were asleep, so I was going to tell you guys today.”

“Oh okay. What for, if you don’t mind me asking.” Kevin smiled at Eric.

“Family problems,” Eric said, shrugging his shoulders. Kevin nodded.

“I feel you. Anyways, make yourself at home.” Kevin looked over at his bed, which was untouched. “Good, you didn’t sleep in my bed. Make yourself at home everywhere in this apartment except my bed.” Eric nodded with his eyes closed, smiling with his eyes and cheeks. “Good.” Kevin threw an A-Okay sign into the air. “Also, if you guys don’t want to see me naked, ya’ll best step out for a sec’.”

“Oh crap,” Juyeon said. “Sorry. C’mon Eric. We might as well have breakfast, then.” Juyeon got out of his bed from underneath the blanket that kept the both of them warm and motioned for Eric to follow him into the kitchen. Eric exited the bedroom first and before Juyeon could follow, Kevin grabbed him by the wrist.

“How’s the crush coming along?” Kevin asked slyly, smiling at Juyeon. The latter shook free from the former’s grip and glared at him.

“I told you to shut up about that…” Juyeon snarled but paused. “I’ll tell you about it later.” He smiled at his friend, flailed his arms a little bit, and slapped him playfully on his upper arm as if he was excited to let him know what had happened the night before. Kevin laughed as he shut the door of the bedroom, leaving Juyeon and Eric outside in the living room.

The door of the bathroom opened, sending yellow light from within the room into the living room momentarily. Younghoon stepped out and yawned.

“You do not want to go in there for a while,” Younghoon exclaimed when he saw Juyeon in the small living space. Younghoon looked past Juyeon and saw Eric, whom he hadn’t met before. “Oh. Who’s this?” Younghoon’s quizzical smile illuminated the room.

“Oh, yeah. This is Eric. He’s a friend from school and he needed a place to sleep last night. His family is going through some things.”

“Ah, none of my business. Just know you’re welcome here, Eric,” Younghoon said, continuing to smile. “You hungry? It’s my turn to make breakfast, anyways. You guys eat Jacob’s cereal or something in the meantime.” Younghoon made his way for the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbing the ingredients he needed for making the breakfast meal.

“How many of you are living here, again?” Eric asked, curious. The two boys sat on the couch as they talked.

“There’s five of us. You met Kev and Younghoon. Changmin’s probably still asleep and Jacob-.” Jacob made his way out of his room, reaching up and over his back to scratch an itch that was bothering his morning. He yawned and waddled out to the living room. “There’s Jacob.” Juyeon pointed at the eldest in the apartment.

“Morning,” Jacob said through a yawn.

“Good morning,” Eric said. “I’m Eric.” Jacob looked confused but smiled anyway.

“He spent the night. I knew it would be okay with you and I didn’t want to wake you up last night. He needs a place to stay for a couple of days,” Juyeon explained. Jacob nodded understandingly.

“Only if that’s okay with you, Jacob,” Eric interjected quickly. He looked at the eldest’s face, his features were soft and friendly. The natural downturn of his eyes and the natural upturn of his lips emitted a relaxed and friendly nature and attitude.

“Yeah, of course! Don’t worry about it. But, where do you live, Eric, if you don’t mind my asking?” Jacob asked. Eric shuffled in his seat.

“Just a block away to the left. There’s another set of apartments there,” Eric clarified.

“Alright, breakfast should be ready soon.” Jacob looked at Juyeon. “Younghoon is making breakfast, right? Is that guy still asleep?”

“No, he’s in the kitchen already,” Juyeon assured his older brother, pointing at the walkway into the kitchen.

“Okay, good. I can’t always be making break-.” Jacob was interrupted by the clanging of pans on the tiled floor and the sound of glassware shattering.  
Younghoon screamed shrilly. “Oh, god. What in the world!” Jacob ran into the kitchen, ready to attend to the disaster that Younghoon was now creating. Eric and Juyeon just chuckled at the mess unfolding before them before they had their first meal of the day.

______

August 28, 2016, 1:43 PM

In art class that same day, he, Kevin, and the rest of the class were assigned to reimagine a landscape painting and to transfer the re-envisioned picture onto the canvas. Kevin was quite good at these things and was a skilled artist. The landscape painting depicted an old oak tree planted at the top of a hill, alone; only the blue sky and its clouds and the blades of green grass accompanied the lonely, wooden mass of leaves and branches.

Everyone had begun, however, Juyeon was holding his brush, frozen in time, unable to come up with any good ideas. Kevin was already at work, though. He was actively mixing together vibrant greens and powerful reds and browns and was practically sweating from all the energy he was now exerting. Juyeon looked over and saw that he had already painted his base coat. Kevin was a natural at art. Juyeon scratched his head out of aggravation. He was having painter’s block and could not find inspiration.

“You okay?” Kevin said without looking at Juyeon, still actively working on his soon-to-be masterpiece.

“Yeah, I just can’t think of anything.” Juyeon stared at his blank canvas. “I’m stuck.”

“Let’s talk then. Maybe a conversation can spark inspiration in your head,” Kevin said, slowing his painting pace.

“What are we going to talk about?” Juyeon looked over to his roommate who did not return a look.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe your crush on Er-.” Kevin was interrupted by Juyeon’s paintbrush on his mouth.

“Don’t talk so loudly, Kevin!” Juyeon said harshly underneath his breath. Kevin laughed.

“What? What’s there to worry about? Everyone is literally in zen painting mode, they aren't paying attention to us,” Kevin said. “Also, I was so right about your crush. I can’t believe you kept denying it, earlier.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up about that.” Juyeon looked at his blank canvas once more. “Might as well start somewhere then.” Juyeon picked a calm, olive green to start his base with and began painting the blades of grass that the large, grand oak tree sat upon.

“How was sleeping next to him?” Kevin began once more, curiously poking at his friend’s new love-life.

“Oh my god, don’t even get me started. He was so warm and fluffy and cute-.”

“Okay, you’re getting gushy like Jacob. Wow, I haven’t seen you like this since Hyun-.” Kevin stopped. Juyeon was about to throw a glare at him, but Kevin apologized. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t mention him. Anyways… So, he knows that you like him?”

“Yeah, it’s a mutual thing now. I told him, and he told me,” Juyeon said as he painted the blue serenity of the sky, adding flecks of soft pastel, pink and orange to imitate the hazy glow that a sunset gives off. Kevin looked over at his painted sky.

“Nice technique. Also, did you guys like, you know… kiss, yet?” Kevin snorted. Juyeon hit him on his side.

“What the hell, man! We’ve only just started. But…” Juyeon hesitated playfully, dragging his words out.

“But…” Kevin mimicked eagerly, leaning in closer to Juyeon.

“But we did cuddle... Okay. Ew, oh my god! I hate that word,” Juyeon cringed at saying the word “cuddle.” Kevin let out an excited scream.

“Aaah! Juyeon!” Kevin exclaimed as he made a “hhhnnnggg” sound and started slapping him repeatedly, having a cute-attack. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Well, yeah. Obviously, I did.” Juyeon smirked. Kevin was hit by another round of cute-attacks. “He’s so much smaller than me and when I held him last night, he fit right in my arms.” Another round of cute-attacks came, once again accompanied by the rapid stomping of Kevin’s feet on the classroom floor. “Oh my god, Kevin. Why are you so surprised? You do this with Jacob all the damn time!”

“Hey! It’s different when you hear someone else talking about their experiences, okay?” Kevin continued painting. “Alright, almost done, just need to add some depth…” Kevin’s words faded out as Juyeon continued painting as well. He hadn’t noticed that he had been painting the entire time while having a conversation with Eric. And as Juyeon analyzed what he had just painted, he gagged from the cheesiness depicted.

Underneath the oak tree was a checkered blanket spread out on the green, flowing grass. Two figures lay on the plaid blanket with hands underneath their heads. Lying next to each other, the two figures enjoyed the pastel sunset underneath the swaying branches of the grand oak. Juyeon looked at his painting and felt that a significant detail was missing from his piece. Grabbing the paintbrush, he had recently set aside, he dabbed a small amount of reddish-brown into the fine bristles and gave one of the painted people a head of the bright color. Juyeon signed his painting at the bottom right corner of the canvas and sighed with contentment but soon gagged again at the cheesiness of the entire thing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the reader: this chapter will contain some violence and themes of bullying. feel free to skip the part that follows the "October 12, 2016, 12:05 PM" of the chapter if you are uncomfortable with this.

October 12, 2016, 12:01 PM

About two months later, he walked the courtyard of the campus with Changmin, sipping on boxes of milk tea that they bought from the student store. The weather had grown cooler and more frigid than the summer heat of the August month. The leaves of the large courtyard tree were transitioning from the fresh green that everyone had grown accustomed to into a palette of robust and brassy yellows, oranges, and reds. Autumn had now dawned upon the two boys strolling the cobblestoned plaza at the center of the courtyard.

Juyeon breathed in a breath of the orange, autumn air and sighed a breath of contentment. Changmin glanced at his friend, who was being unusually happy.

“What?” Changmin asked with a giggle. He held his boxed milk tea in both hands cutely.

“It’s nothing,” Juyeon reassured his friend. “I’m just happy. That’s all.” Changmin smiled widely and poked Juyeon in the side. Juyeon flinched at the sudden touch. “Stop that! You know I’m ticklish.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Only for Eric to touch you like that?” Changmin sassily replied. Juyeon almost cursed at him for that remark and punch him in the arm.

“Yeah, exactly! So, quit your crap.” Juyeon viciously snarled at Changmin who was now playfully acting terrified of Juyeon.

“You’re whipped for him, huh? I can tell,” Changmin announced. The two boys made their way to the benches that encircled the tree. A few students conversed underneath the shade of the orange and red tree on a few benches down. They found an empty one and sat down.

“And what makes you think that? We’ve only been dating for a month. We confirmed it in September,” Juyeon reasoned out, extenuating the situation. Changmin glaced at Juyeon and eyed him, one eyebrow raised.

“Younghoon is freakin’ whipped for me, Juyeon. We’ve been dating for almost a year now. I think I would know when another person is whipped for someone else, especially you – you being practically my brother,” Changmin explained with much thought. He had a point. Juyeon threw his hands up in the air defensively.

“Okay, okay. I’m just really happy to have Eric in my life.”

“And you know we’re supportive of you, right?” Changmin said and Juyeon nodded. “I’m glad you told us that you two started dating.” Changmin put his arm around Juyeon and Juyeon reminisced that moment. It was vivid and fresh in his mind.

______

September 19, 2016, 7:32 PM

The five apartment mates and Eric sat around the dinner table, Chinese take-out sprawled across the wooden tabletop in front of them. It was Kevin’s turn to cook dinner that night, however, he was cramming with exams to the point where he could not function, let alone have enough sanity to make a decent meal for the other five friends now seated around him. He decided to order Chinese instead and be done with it.

Back in August, when Eric spent his first nights with Juyeon and the rest of the apartment entourage, he had grown accustomed to everyone and their quirks and was soon taken in as a regular apartment mate, who came and went. Eric’s family had sorted things out by Eric’s fifth night and he went back home, but soon came back every now and then when he felt like it. Or more appropriately put, when he was missing Juyeon.

Jacob split his wooden chopsticks at the line and began eating. Everyone followed suit and dug in on their selected Chinese entrees. This night was special for Juyeon. After about two weeks of having a mutual attraction with Eric, he had decided that he should tell everyone, especially since he and Eric had agreed on officially dating. Juyeon could still recollect those moments in the files of his brain.

_It was the fifth of September and Juyeon and Eric were walking home after Juyeon had helped him at work that night. Juyeon remembered to tell Jacob this time that he was going out for a bit. They approached Juyeon’s apartment and they stopped in front of the red-brick building._

_“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Juyeon asked. Eric was swaying with his hands in his hoodie pocket. Juyeon walked up to him and gently poked him on the cheek, proceeding to pull Eric’s hood up over his head. Eric looked up at the older boy._

_“You’re so cute, oh my god,” Eric exclaimed. Eric quickly gave Juyeon a hug and Juyeon winded by the strong impact of Eric’s body meeting his. “I don’t wanna go home,” Eric proceeded to say, his voice muffled from his face being in Juyeon’s chest. The vibrations of his voice were sent through Juyeon’s chest, feeling the resonation in the muscle that now beat rapidly. “But I have to go home, I’ve spent too many nights at your place.”_

_“You can stay if you want, you know.” Juyeon pointed at the entrance of the apartment complex. He smirked. “My bed is kinda empty with only me in it.” Eric punched Juyeon’s arm._

_“Shut up. You’re being corny,” Eric laughed. “And yeah, I know I can stay over, but my parents are probably wondering about me. They sorted things out, finally.” Juyeon grabbed the laces of Eric’s hood and began to tie them into a knot and then into bunny ears, fastening the soft fabric below Eric’s chin. “Before I go, though, I wanted to ask you something._

_“Hmm?” Juyeon hummed as he petted the soft fabric of Eric’s sweater. Eric was now looking into Juyeon’s dark brown eyes._

_“What are we? You know since we like each other?” Juyeon eyed Eric, tilting his head in confusion._

_“What do you mean?” Juyeon asked, puzzled. It had been over a week since the two boys had confessed their liking for one another, and yet, Eric wanted further reassurance from his older companion. Eric scoffed playfully._

_“You know what I mean, Juyeon. What are we, in terms of us being together?” Eric mirrored Juyeon’s head tilt._

_“Wait, are you asking me… are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Juyeon asked, smiling happily at Eric._

_“No, I want you to ask m-.” Eric was interrupted._

_“Because, yes. I’ll be your boyfriend, Eric,” Juyeon finally said gently. “I’ll be your boyfriend.” Eric smiled happily and flailed his arms out of excitement, his sleeves flying around cutely. He froze, turned around, breathed, and collected himself._

_“Okay, I’m cool with that,” the younger replied. Juyeon laughed. “Alright then. I’ll see you tomorrow…” He hugged Juyeon one last time for the night and continued, “…Boyfriend.” Eric snickered._

_“Okay, yeah, don’t do that. And I’m the corny one?” Juyeon said with a hand in the air, laughing softly. Eric pouted and crossed his arms._

_“Fine! Bye, see you tomorrow!” Eric waved goodbye, blowing his new boyfriend kisses, and began skipping down the concrete sidewalk down to his apartment._

_“Dork!” Juyeon shouted and laughed as Eric disappeared into the night._

 

“Juyeon,” Changmin said with a mouthful of orange chicken. “Juyeon!” Juyeon shook his head out of his daydream and looked at Changmin who was calling for his attention.

“Oh! Sorry,” Juyeon apologized. “What was that?”

“I said to hurry up and eat. Eric’s beating you!” Juyeon slowly looked over at Eric whose face was stuffed with five dishes at once. Juyeon just stared at his boyfriend and he smiled, trying his best not to burst out laughing and splattering Juyeon in the process with chewed up food. Juyeon couldn’t help but squeeze Eric’s hand from underneath the table from having a cute-attack.

“Sorry. I was just thinking about something,” Juyeon continued as he apologized.

“About what?” Younghoon interjected. The table fell silent apart from the slurping of noodles and the smacking of food. Juyeon took a breath in, looked at his boyfriend, and began to speak. But as he was about to say the first word, Eric screamed.

“Juyeon and I are dating!” Changmin blinked at the two boys. Younghoon let a piece of beef fall from his mouth. Jacob nodded, trying to process everything. Amidst the droning silence, Kevin broke the quiet, began clapping like a maniac and started screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Finally!” Kevin grabbed the pile of napkins on the table and threw them up in the air to mimic the effect of confetti. “About time! Wooooooo!!”

______

October 12, 2016, 12:05 PM

“And that’s how I aced that math test,” Changmin said to Juyeon. Juyeon blinked at his brother.

“Wait, what? Were you saying something,” Juyeon asked, puzzled. Changmin scoffed at Juyeon.

“Nevermind. Don’t worry about it,” he said passive aggressively. “It’s unimportant to you. You don’t even like math.” Juyeon was about to apologize for ignoring Changmin but was taken aback by the large crowd now forming near the center of the courtyard. The commotion was almost deafening.

“What the hell?” Juyeon exclaimed. The two seated boys got up and ran over to the mass of gathered students who’ve formed a circle, seeming to have encircled something in the middle. Changmin was pushing people aside trying to make way for himself to get through to the center of the crowd. Everyone was yelling, and their hot breath and bodies soon shrouded the atmosphere Juyeon and they shared, contrasting the coolness of the autumn air. Juyeon kept pushing through and was able to hear what tragedy was unfolding in the center.

“You think you’re so cool? You don’t even have a proper backpack,” a loud and obnoxious voice said from the center. Juyeon wondered who the person was talking to. The voice laughed and Juyeon heard what sounded like a shove and someone falling hard onto the ground.

“I never said I was cool.” Juyeon knew that voice. He struggled to push through and ended up throwing himself over the crowd of the loud and compacted people into the center of the circle.

“Eric? What’s happening,” Juyeon asked, frightened. He ran up to his boyfriend and held him in his arms. Eric turned to look at him and his face was red as if someone had slapped him across his soft and gentle cheek. “What the actual hell? Who did this t-.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Juyeon?” the loud and obnoxious voice said from behind him. “Can’t you see that I’m ready to beat this pretty boy’s ass?” Juyeon turned around and glared at the person talking. As his eyes met the asshole’s, his face contorted into rage and hatred. The guy, one of Juyeon’s classmates – one he didn’t really like or bothered to learn the name of – stood there haughtily with his arms crossed.

“And what makes you think you can do that?” Juyeon said, straightening his back and clenching his fists. “Why don’t you pick on someone that’s as annoying and ugly as you?” The large and muscular senior was a boisterous and opinionated boy who loved to open his mouth during the classes he had with Juyeon. Juyeon had always dreamed of sending his fist into his mouth and knocking him out.

“Sorry, I already did. The guy is in the E.R.,” he shrugged obviously bluffing, grinning pretentiously at Juyeon. “Now, please. If you’d move aside, I need to teach this pretty boy a lesson. Wait, pretty _poor_ boy.” He laughed loudly as he looked back at his group of friends that were at his back but was instantly blown back by the force of Juyeon’s fist in his face. Juyeon’s hand burned from the pain of punching him; the flesh-covered bone of his hand coming in contact with the flesh-covered bone of the bully’s jaw at blinding speed.

The arrogant idiot, now getting up from the ground dazed, gripping his jaw and puffing out his shoulders, sent his own fist at Juyeon’s face and made contact with Juyeon’s cheek. Instantly, Juyeon spat out blood on the cobblestone plaza of the courtyard. The large boy sent another punch into Juyeon’s mouth and another into his gut, making Juyeon dry heave.

To the fighting boys’ right, Changmin, followed by Eric (whom Juyeon hadn’t noticed left), entered the scene only to be pulled back by the bully’s friends, constricting their arms back, prohibiting them from moving forward.

“Hey asshole!” Changmin shouted at the asshole.

“Get those two outta here,” he told his henchman of a friend. Changmin and Eric were dragged away, flailing and screaming. As the bully was being distracted, Juyeon shot his knee into his’s gut, resulting in him curling over, bending down, and gripping his stomach.

“You think you’re so tough, jerk? Well-.” Juyeon was interrupted as the bully kicked Juyeon in the groin. Juyeon mirrored his curling over and bending down, only he was now gripping his crotch, writhing in pain. The bully followed suit with a high kick on Juyeon’s face, sending Juyeon onto the hard stone, splattering blood everywhere. His face began to turn a dark purple, bruising over completely. He pummeled his fist into Juyeon’s face one last time, before standing up straight and rubbing his shoulder.

“You’re right, Juyeon. I should pick on people that are as annoying as me. Now you're as ugly as me with your broken nose. Say hi to the other guy in the E.R. for me, would you?” The bully said breathily, breathing hard while patting Juyeon's bruised cheek. He laughed menacingly, and his friends mirrored him. The crowd, thoroughly entertained by the violence, dispersed and the large bully and his group of friends all strutted away superciliously. The bully’s friend handed him his uniform jacket and his backpack. As he put both on, he looked back down at Juyeon and snickered, leaving the bruised boy to fend for himself on the bloodstained cobblestone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the reader: if you had chosen to skip the part that followed the "October 12, 2016, 12:05 PM" part of the previous chapter, i've provided a short summary of what happened to bring you up to speed. basically, eric encountered a bully, juyeon stood up for eric, but juyeon was ultimately brought to the nurse's office due to injury.

October 12, 2016, 12:18 AM

Red was the color that he remembered seeing before he finally passed out. The red tinted world before his eyes faded slowly into the blackness that consumed his vision. His face was transitioning from the tan color of his skin into a deep, wicked purple from the bruising that now inflicted his entire face and his nose felt as if it were broken from the impact of the bully’s foot onto the fragile bone that held his airway intact.

Juyeon lay on his back, winded from the blows that that jerk had thrown at his face and body. The cobblestone was uncomfortably hard and frigidly cold. He looked at the red-tinted sky above him, the red-tinted clouds moving forward in time to the beat of the breeze that guided their path, apathetic to the events happening below them. Juyeon felt insignificant and weak and before he shut his eyes that allowed him to fall into the jet-black void that would soon bring him relief from the pain that he now experienced, he saw Changmin, followed closely by Eric and his tear-stained face.

_Juyeon fell into the landscape of his sleepy mind once again. However, the usual peaceful atmosphere that accompanied his dreams did not show itself present in this newly created landscape. Juyeon returned to the headspace of his nightmares._

_The setting of this nightmare bore similar features to that of his calming dreams. The beach was present, and the soft white sand surrounded every square inch of the area. The sun shone brightly and warmed the area. But all of Juyeon’s attention was tuned into the foreboding drag of the massive ocean waves that surrounded him. Again, the phobias came back. He was dropped into the center of the dangerously beautiful ocean and was surrounded by nothing except the beach in the aggravatingly far distance._

_Juyeon panicked and although his head surfaced the top layer of the ocean waves, he could not inhale a single breath. His headspace confined him to any movement and he began to sink. He sank and left the brightness o the world above as his head was immersed in the salty ocean water. Darkness consumed his vision as he sank further into the depths of the hell his head had thrown him into. Unable to scream or breathe or move to save himself from the impending doom that awaited him at the bottom of the ocean, Juyeon sank._

He woke up suddenly and was confronted by a wave of harsh, fluorescent light emitted from the ceiling of the room he was now laying in. He was sweating, both his forehead and his back. What time is it? Juyeon asked himself. He scanned the walls for a clock that he could use to position himself in the correct timeframe of the world that whizzed by that was unconcerned with his current situation.

“It’s four P.M. son,” a voice said to his left as if reading his frantic thoughts. Juyeon looked over at the individual who had just spoken and recognized the school nurse. She was an old lady who had worked on campus for a long time. She had already been here when Juyeon became a freshman. “School’s ended already. You should head home and rest up there.” She eyed him, fixing her reading glasses.

That was it? Wasn’t he supposed to be taken to the principal’s office? Juyeon felt a suspension coming.

“Everything’s been sorted out. Some fight you got into, huh?” The nurse put her pen down, took her spectacles off, crossed her arms, and leaned back into the squeaky chair that he sat on at her office desk. “You’ll be getting called into the principal’s office tomorrow. You were too injured and unconscious to be called in today. So, be here tomorrow. They should send a staff member to escort you. Now, you. You head home and get some rest.”

Juyeon obeyed and got up from the bed he was laying on. The door to the bathroom was left open and he glanced at the mirror that glared at him from inside. Juyeon flinched upon looking at his face. His eye was swollen to the size of a fist and was painted with a deep purple. His lip was bloody and cut up. As Juyeon stood up, his head started to pound with a dull ache.

“Thank you,” he said as he made his way out of the nurse’s office and out of the campus where he caught the next train home.  
______

He walked up the staircase to the third floor of the apartment. His legs burned in agony and his head was now in a state of disarray and pain. Juyeon stopped in his tracts, halfway up the last set of stairs, and sat on the cold, hard steps. He rubbed his head and winced as his hand brushed against his black eye. Juyeon hadn’t even thought about the fight he had, he just wanted to sleep in his bed – he wanted to see Eric.

With the thought of Eric in his mind, Juyeon mustered up the last bit of strength he had remaining and climbed the ten steps leading into the hallway where his apartment resided. He approached the wooden door of his small home, scourged his pockets for his keys, and cursed underneath his breath. He had forgotten them inside on his nightstand. He slammed his fist on the wood several times hoping that his apartment mates would open the door and let him into his home, where he could escape from the drowning world he was now standing in.

Immediately, the door opened an Jacob was there, his face worried and anxious.

“Holy crap, there you are! Get in here!” Jacob said frantically. “Kev and Changmin wouldn’t tell me anything.” Juyeon brushed his older brother’s worry aside and entered the apartment and saw that everyone – including Eric – was gathered in the living room on and around the couch as if they were in deep conversation.

“Oh my god!” Eric cried out. He got up clumsily and ran over to Juyeon and hugged him vigorously. Eric began to whimper, stifling his sob into Juyeon’s chest. Juyeon groaned in pain.

“Yeah, that kind of hurts,” he said. Eric loosened his grip on Juyeon’s waist.

“Sorry,” Eric replied, wiping his face. Juyeon took his sleeve and gently wiped Eric’s face with the fabric of he collected in his hand. His cheeks were turning pink and his face was hot. Juyeon looked at the others and grimaced.

“Hey, thanks for waiting for me at school,” Juyeon snapped at Kevin and Changmin.

“They wouldn’t let us, okay! They sent us home,” Kevin retorted. “You yourself knows that we would have stayed with you.” Younghoon had his arm around Changmin as the latter crossed his arms.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Changmin said.

“Okay? Look at his eye!” Jacob exclaimed. “Let me see!” Jacob grabbed Juyeon’s chin and repositioned his face so that he had a clear view of the broken features he now possessed. Juyeon quickly pulled back and scoffed angrily.

“I don’t need your babying right now, okay!” Juyeon pulled free from Jacob’s grip and stormed into his bedroom, locking the door so that no one else could get in. He pulled off his uniform jacket, throwing it aside where it landed on his desk chair and tried loosened his constricting tie. After multiple failed attempts at loosening the confining fabric around his neck, he let out a frustrated scream and let his body fall slack onto the unmade bed, staring at the ceiling, motionless. He could hear the five other boys conversing in hushed voices outside and he closed his eyes, falling into sleep.

______

Eric was in the bathroom of Juyeon’s apartment. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt disgusted. The red mark on his cheek from the bully's hand was now fading but was still visible and the words he had told Eric reverberated in his skull. Tears welled up in his eyes but he immediately blinked them away, collecting himself. Being strong. Like his dad used to tell him. The dad that was busy at work and wasn’t really a dad at all and was focused on getting more money and Eric punched the wall of the bathroom. The vibration of the punch was intensified by the acoustics of the bathroom and Eric breathed rapidly while looking at himself. He took one last breath and opened the medicine cabinet like Younghoon had directed and grabbed what he was looking for.

Eric made his way out of the bathroom. Everyone was still in the living room. Changmin was now munching on a box of cookies with Younghoon who then passed it over to Kevin and Jacob.

“Found it?” Younghoon asked. Eric held the two objects in his hands and nodded. The bag of cotton balls was soft and light and the rubbing alcohol sloshed around inside the translucent bottle. “Awesome.” He continued to munch on a cookie as he rested his head on Changmin’s stomach. The four boys were watching a rom-com T.V. show and Jacob was laughing at almost everything that was now happening on the television screen.

“Good luck with him,” Kevin said to Eric. The latter approached the door to Juyeon and Kevin’s bedroom and knocked softly.

“Go away!” Juyeon yelled from inside the room.

“Juyeon?” Eric said, his voice soft and sweet. “It’s Eric.” He knocked softly again. The four boys were now fully immersed in their T.V. show. The door opened and Juyeon peeked out.

“Hey.” He made way for Eric to come inside the darkened, lamp-lit room. The day had grown dark and the sun had started to set, followed by the stars and the moon. “Sorry about earlier.” Juyeon closed the door. Eric hadn’t noticed that he locked it.

“Why are you apologizing?” Eric said, his eyebrows furrowing. The two boys sat down on Juyeon’s bed comfortably. “You got your ass beat for me.” Eric laughed as he looked at Juyeon’s face. He quickly grimaced upon looking at his broken features.

“Well, what do you expect. You’re my boyfriend,” Juyeon explained. Eric smiled at the word boyfriend. “Was I going to let that asshole touch you? No.” Juyeon looked at Eric, his expression unreadable from his face being too swollen. Eric put his head on Juyeon shoulder.

“Well, thank you. You’re still a freakin’ idiot, though,” Eric said as he pouted his pink lips. “My idiot.”

“I told you to not do that,” Juyeon said as he pinched Eric’s cheek. “I’m the idiot?” Eric straightened himself and gaped at Juyeon, offended. Juyeon chuckled at his boyfriend. His smile emphasized the cuts he had on his face and the blood red stained that dried up from his wounds not being cleaned properly.

“Gosh, did the nurse not help you at all? There’s still blood on your face,” Eric said angrily. He removed the cap of the bottle of rubbing alcohol and squirted some on a fresh cotton ball. “You’re going to get an infection. Come here.” Eric gently took Juyeon’s chin in his soft hand and pulled him closer to his face. “Take a breath. This is gonna sting.”

Juyeon breathed in as Eric brought the soaked cotton ball close to his wounds. Eric dabbed the antiseptic solution on the red of the cuts and Juyeon inhaled a sharp breath at the surge of pain he was now experiencing. Eric blew on the cleaned wound, sending a cooling sensation over Juyeon’s face. Juyeon leaned back on his arm and was confronted with a sharp pain in his wrist.

“Ow!” Juyeon exclaimed, gripping his wrist. He hadn’t felt the pain of punching that ugly jaw so hard until now. Eric took Juyeon’s wrist in his hand, gently.

“You hit him pretty hard, huh? You might have sprained it.” Eric began to massage the wrist with feather-light movements, his small hands taking Juyeon’s sprained wrist and moving in circles. “I’m still shocked at how big your hands are?” Eric now took Juyeon’s hand with his other hand and compared the size of his with Juyeon’s. “They’re huge! Holy crap.” Juyeon laughed and pulled his hand away, insecure. “What? I like them!”

Eric reached over and grabbed Juyeon’s hand once again and put his palm flat against his, the size difference evident. Juyeon angled his palm so that his fingers were over the spaces between Eric’s fingers and curled them so that their fingers were now intertwined. Eric let his head hang low as he smiled.

“Hey, stop distracting me. I still have to work on the left side of your face,” Eric scolded Juyeon playfully. Juyeon let Eric continue administering the rubbing alcohol on the open wounds of his face.

Juyeon scanned his boyfriend’s face and admired the softness of everything. His eyebrows were furrowing cutely as he worked hard to help his boyfriend, his nostrils were flared softly, his cheeks were smooth and squishy, and his tongue stuck out cutely from between his lips. His lips. Juyeon examined them. The pink fleshiness was bright, and the inner part was brighter from over-biting, a habit that Juyeon had confirmed these past two months from constantly looking at his boyfriend’s lips.

His lips. They were a constant thing that Juyeon thought about, but never came close to… to place his lips on them. Juyeon let out a shaky breath and spoke as he examined his boyfriend’s amazing features in their natural state.

“Can I…” Juyeon began. Eric looked up at him and stared at Juyeon’s eyes, curiously waiting for Juyeon to continue speaking. But Juyeon did not. He gave up on speech and took Eric’s chin in his hand and quickly made his way closer to his boyfriend’s face, their noses bumping into each other as the flesh of Juyeon’s lips met Eric’s.

Eric was surprised by Juyeon’s sudden action but quickly fell into it naturally and comfortably, letting Juyeon kiss him as he closed his eyes. Juyeon’s hand was now on Eric’s cheek and Eric’s hand was resting on Juyeon’s shoulder. Juyeon fit his lips into Eric’s and pecked at them cutely and softly. He felt Eric smile at the soft gesture. Their breathing grew heavier and their motions more fluid, timing each other to a rhythm only the two of them understood. The beat of the hearts synced, and their kiss illuminated the room. They separated for a moment.

“Was… was that okay?” Juyeon asked his blinking partner. Eric nodded.

“Yeah,” Eric replied breathily.

“Can I do it again?” Juyeon mirrored Eric’s blinking.

“You don’t have to ask me Juyeon,” Eric laughed. Juyeon came in for a second kiss and angled his face, now avoiding the crashing of their noses. This second time was smoother and more comfortable for the two of them. Eric allowed Juyeon to guide the kiss. Juyeon angled himself so that their lips fit perfectly together and guided Eric’s arms so that they were positioned around his neck. The fireworks of his heart ignited the burning flame that fueled Eric’s love for Juyeon. He was glad he was here with him at this point in time – a point in time filled with so many pangs yet filled with their adoration for each other. They made everything seem right for each other in a world filled with useless stresses and insignificant problems.


	10. Chapter 10

October 13, 2016, 3:24 AM

Eric’s eyes opened into wakefulness as he cocooned himself into the warm, fuzzy blanket that protected him and Juyeon from the cold of the bedroom. He swiped the surface of the bedsheets for his phone. He scanned the dark, area for his cellular device, his newly awoken eyes adjusting to the lightless room. Eric looked over Juyeon’s sleeping body and saw the metallic sheen of his phone screen reflect off of the moonlight sparkling into the room from the nearby window. He reached over Juyeon’s body and grabbed it to check the time. It was 3:24 AM. The brightness of Eric’s cell phone illuminated the nearby area and Eric noticed that, on the nightstand, sat the bottle rubbing alcohol, unclosed and the bag of cotton balls, scattered on the wooden surface. The two boys were pretty preoccupied the night before to even notice. Eric loved waking up in the middle of night, checking the time, and seeing that it was still early in the morning; this meant that he could go back to sleep without any worries. Eric did as such and returned to his cocooned position next to Juyeon, who then shuffled in his sleep and took Eric into his embrace and he breathed lightly, sending warm air over Eric. Eric proceeded to nuzzle into Juyeon’s unconscious cuddle and inhaled his scent.

Eric decided to reciprocate Juyeon’s hug and, to his surprise, felt bare skin, warm and smooth. He quickly retracted his arm from his shock. _Wait, what happened last night? We just kissed, right?_ Eric frantically thought to himself. Eric felt his torso and legs quickly and was relieved to find that he was wearing pants and a shirt. He looked underneath the blanket, his phone flashlight prepared, and sighed a sigh of thanks when he flashed the light on Juyeon’s body’s lower half and saw that he, too, was wearing pants. _Thank god…_ Eric thought again. _Wait, why are you even thinking about those things?!_ Eric hit himself on the cheek and continued to cuddle Juyeon’s bare, skinny torso. He was warm and Eric ran his fingers along to length of Juyeon’s arm, giving his boyfriend feather-light swipes with his small hand. Juyeon’s body unconsciously formed bumps from the tickly and soft motions Eric made. Eric chuckled lightly, as to not wake his sleeping boyfriend from his deep, peaceful slumber. Juyeon’s body was lean and toned but was still soft in many ways. His bodily features were soft, yet, as he continued his motions, Eric felt the fine lines of his slightly muscular build. His ribs were prominent as he hugged Eric in his sleep. Juyeon drove Eric crazy and Eric held himself from continuing the kiss that he and his boyfriend had the night before; right here at the exact moment as Juyeon slept.

Juyeon once again stirred in his sleep and hummed softly. The white moonlight hit Juyeon’s face and his usually hard features were softened in sleep and Eric brought his face closer to Juyeon’s cheek. He peppered his cheek with soft kisses, stirring Juyeon who then tightened his cuddle and rubbed his face into Eric’s hair. Eric matched his breathing with Juyeon’s and fell back into the hazy realm of sleep and dreams.

October 19, 2016, 4:54 PM

About a week after the blood-splattered incident of the 12th of October, his face simmered down from a deep, gut-wrenching purple to a light red that began to fade into his natural tan, skin tone. Eric brushed the back of his hand along Juyeon’s dissipating bruises.

“Does it still hurt?” Eric caringly asked. The steady hum of the coffee shop they now sat in served as background noise for the study date that he and Juyeon were on.

“A little bit,” Juyeon replied. “The pain is starting to go away. And some of the cuts have healed over completely.” Eric sighed and Juyeon took a sip of his coffee, which he set down quickly after realizing that he was stalling. Juyeon continued to test Eric on the vocabulary words they were assigned to memorize.

Juyeon and Eric had a test coming up for their language arts class with Mr. Lee. Their teacher had assured them that the test would be a piece of cake for those that had studied the course material that they had gone over for the 1st quarter of their school year together. The thing, however, was that Juyeon had missed a large chunk of Mr. Lee’s lectures towards the beginning of the school year due to the Hyunjae dilemma and often daydreamed in the current classes he was having – mostly about Eric, even though he sat right next to him every single day. Eric, on the other hand, was thrown an excess of family issues his way and turned his attention towards helping out his mom and dad.

“-kiss and cuddle amorously,” Juyeon said to Eric. Eric was stuck in his daydream, but his attention was caught at the words “kiss” and “cuddle.”

“Not right now Juyeon!” Eric said, gaping. Juyeon slapped him on the arm and Eric flinched from the sharp pain that was sent up his arm.

“No! I’m telling you to give me the word for ‘to kiss and cuddle amorously,’ Eric!” Juyeon exclaimed. Eric sipped his iced coffee, enjoying the cool beverage even though the temperature had started to decrease even below the overall temperature of the liquid he now inhaled into his body.

“Can I, though?” Eric asked, smirking at his boyfriend. He raised his eyebrows at him, eyeing him seductively.

“Can you what?” Juyeon said, suppressing a laugh in his throat.

“Kiss and cuddle you amorously?” Eric asked, puckering his lips and moving in closer. Juyeon scoffed and proceeded to take the fork lodged into the sponge cake the two boys shared, break a piece off of the sweet, bouncy pastry, and stuck it in between his boyfriend’s lips.

“You, focus! You’re very lovey-dovey now, huh?” Juyeon asked, hiding the blushing redness that would soon rise up beneath the surface of his cheeks.

“Oh, please. You like it,” Eric said, putting an arm around Juyeon’s shoulder and linking it with his other arm, taking him into his embrace.

“I do. But if you don’t focus on the freakin’ study sesh that I planned for us, I’m not going to anymore,” Juyeon demanded as he crossed his arms. Eric pouted playfully.

“Okay, okay. Let’s try again. Go for it.” Eric released Juyeon and sat up straight on the soft, cushioned seat positioned near the rear windows of the café. He swallowed the piece of cake he was just fed by from Juyeon.

“Okay. What word is defined as ‘to kiss and cuddle amorously’?” Juyeon waited for Eric’s answer.

“Is it… smooch?” Eric asked, his face contorted in confusion, afraid to hear the Juyeon’s retort.

“No, Eric. It’s canoodle,” Juyeon said, exasperatingly. Eric was still cute, however. Juyeon immediately let go of his frustration and poked his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Sorry, I’m awful with vocabulary, okay,” Eric sighed. Juyeon took a swig of his coffee once more.

“I know, and that’s okay. But you just need to focus on studying harder.” Juyeon flipped to the next card. “Next word. ‘To touch so as to have a common tangent at the point of contact.’” Juyeon sat patiently. Eric sipped his iced beverage and thought for the best answer, only to be sidetracked once more.

“Point of contact, huh?” Eric smirked. “Like the contact of our-.”

“Eric, I swear to god-.” Juyeon was about to snap at his companion.

“Okay, okay! The word is ‘osculate,’” Eric said, confidently as he laughed at his boyfriend. Juyeon eyed him dangerously but gave in to his partner’s cute smile. “See! I know the words!”

“This was the first word you got right. We’re on our 15th word, now.” Juyeon put down the cards and folded his arms, glaring at Eric’s soft face. “If you don’t pass this test with at least a B… I swear. You better, pass with at least a B, Eric. Or else.”

“Or else, what?” Eric mirrored Juyeon and crossed his arms as well, glaring back at the dangerous look Juyeon gave him.

“Or else,” Juyeon began, “I’ll have to kiss and cuddle you amorously, you cute-ass.” Juyeon punched Eric on the shoulder lightly with enough force to push him back.

“Well, I guess I’ll get an F then?” Eric laughed.

“No!” Juyeon shouted as Eric laughed loudly, clutching his stomach. Eric enjoyed teasing Juyeon – and Juyeon enjoyed being teased by Eric, but never admitted to it. The two boys continued studying together, the soft music playing over the speakers of the cozy café and the stars outside shining brightly over the autumn night.


	11. Chapter 11

December 25, 2016, 7:29 AM

The white snow glittered as the sun shone from the usual gray winter sky and illuminated the snow-covered city in a vibrant, soft, glowing yellow. The cups of hot chocolate (coffee for Kevin because he was that type of person) passed around the room were billowing with steam. Eric requested from Jacob extra marshmallows in his mug and was cordially complied with while Juyeon asked for a shot of whiskey in his but was denied quicker than the speed that Younghoon clings to Changmin upon seeing him. Jacob checked the weather forecast on his phone as he joined the rest of the group of boys in the living room, Eric, Juyeon, and Changmin seated next to each other on the rug and Kevin and Younghoon on the old leather sofa.

“Hmm, Christmas day is warmer this year. It’s forty degrees out,” Jacob announced to the group. “But, it looks like it’ll snow a little bit later tonight.” Jacob sat next to Kevin on the sofa. Christmas tunes played softly from the speaker beside the television, setting the living room in a soft, hazy, festive atmosphere.  
“Sorry Eric, we don’t have a Christmas tree,” Younghoon laughed.

“We’re on a budget,” Changmin added. “We’re all struggling in this cruel world.” Eric laughed at his remark. The oven dinged from inside the kitchen and Jacob groaned while everyone else cheered in excitement.

“Ugh, I just sat down! Hold on guys,” Jacob complained as he got up and made his way into the kitchen. He soon returned with a plate of cookies from fresh from the oven.

“I still can’t believe we’re having cookies at seven in the morning,” Eric exclaimed excitedly.

“Anything is possible in this household,” Kevin answered. “Except for murder. And arson. And pedophilia.”

“Alright that’s enough,” Jacob cut off Kevin as he set the plate of cookies on the center table. “Alright, present time!”

“Yes!” Changmin said. Younghoon cuddled up against his boyfriend, the both of them in animal onesies. Changmin snuggled him back and Eric wanted to do the same to Juyeon who was looking cute with his bed-ruined hair and his sleepy eye bags. “I’ll go first!” Changmin passed a box to each person in the living room, neatly wrapped in adorable reindeer wrapping paper with a red bow to finish it off. “Everyone goes at the same time!” Changmin counted to three and the room was filled with an explosion of the sound of paper being torn. Everyone was eager to see what they got from Changmin.

Kevin was the first to open his present, opened up the box underneath the wrapping paper, and pulled out a folded bundle of fabric that actually proved to be, when Kevin unfolded it, a Canadian flag.

“Bro…” Kevin gasped, fist bumping Changmin. “You’re the bomb.”

Younghoon opened up his present and reached into the box, pulling out a pillow with Changmin’s face printed on the surface.

“Oh my god, babe!” Younghoon kissed Changmin on the cheek and hugged him tightly. Everyone burst into laughter. Juyeon was the next to open his, receiving two beanies which he was excited to have gotten and Jacob followed, receiving three boxes of cereal only found in America which he screamed in excitement to. Eric opened his present was surprised by what he had gotten from Changmin: a t-shirt with Juyeon’s bruised face printed on it.

“Oh, hell no!” Juyeon exclaimed. “That’s why you took a close-up picture of me!”

“It’s cute! Reminds me of our first kiss,” Eric explained to Juyeon, scrunching his nose at him.

“Alright, whatever. Just don’t wear that in public, please,” Juyeon pleaded.

“I will make sure to wear it on the busiest day out in the city,” Eric teased.

“And I will make sure to break up with your dork-ass,” Juyeon retorted. Eric pouted and Juyeon pushed his face away with his palm, laughing.

The present opening continued, each person giving their gifts to their friends. Juyeon had received mostly clothes and hoodies, which he was perfectly fine with. Kevin received many Canadian themed items that included shirts and plushies adding to the Canadian flag he had already received, along with a Beyoncé album. Jacob, in addition to his cereal, got some guitar picks and music related things. Changmin was able to get a matching Younghoon pillow from, obviously, Younghoon. Younghoon received some BTS albums, having been a massive fanboy of the famous boy band in Korea. Eric was given more Juyeon themed items, which he didn’t complain about. Finally, it was Eric’s turn to give his gifts to everyone in the room. Everyone’s faces looked puzzled when they received an envelope each.

“Is this money,” Kevin asked. “Because I wouldn’t mind if it was money.” Younghoon shook the envelope as if shaking the piece of paper around would give him a hint of what was inside.

“Just open them!” Eric said excitedly to his friends. “Like Changmin’s gifts, everyone opens them up at the same time.” Everyone complied and began to tear open the sealed envelope. Their eyes widened upon seeing the thick cardstock with the name of an airline on it.

“No way,” Changmin said. Everyone pulled out the plane ticket that they had been given from Eric and remained silent, shocked at their gifts.

“Yes way,” Eric contradicted. “We’re going to the states!” Juyeon looked at his boyfriend in disbelief and back at his ticket. He scanned the ticket but could not comprehend what he was reading.

“When is this for?” Jacob asked, out of breath.

“The date is far from now, but we’re going in the summer next year. And we’re visiting my hometown so prepare yourselves! Hashtag L.A., boiiiii,” Eric was bouncing up and down in his seat.

“Where did you even find the money?” Kevin asked.

“I haven’t mentioned that my dad works for an airline company?” Eric asked. Everyone shook their heads no. “Woops. Well, now you know. I’m paying him back later, but that doesn’t matter now! We’re going on a trip, you idiots! Be happy!” Eric shot his hands up into the air. The Christmas music still droned out from the gray speakers, filling the silent room. Finally, Juyeon broke the silence.

“I could kiss you!” he shouted. Juyeon hugged his boyfriend.

“Do you want to?” Eric asked, his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Kevin gagged, disgusted and Changmin laughed, understandingly. Juyeon did, though, and pecked his partner’s cheek with a quick kiss.

“Cute,” Jacob said. “But, now that we’re done with presents, we have trash to clean and mugs to wash. Who’s doing it?”

“Rock, paper, scissors!” Kevin suddenly shouted. “Loser has to clean up and gets a flick on the forehead.”

“You’re on,” Eric said. Everyone sent out their hands after Kevin shouted “rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” All of Kevin, Changmin, Younghoon, and Jacob sent out scissors while Juyeon and Eric sent out paper. Eric groaned.

“I'm on, huh?” Kevin mocked playfully. Changmin was overjoyed at having escaped clean up and Younghoon hugged him happily.

“Okay. Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot.” Juyeon chanted and sent out rock as Eric sent out scissors. Eric shouted loudly and fell back, in pain from losing to his boyfriend.  
“Sad,” Kevin said, sarcastically. “Don’t forget the flick, Juyeon.” Juyeon “mhmm-d” and got his fingers ready to flick Eric on the forehead. Eric leaned in, already flinching. The tension was building as Juyeon’s fingers tensed up, reading to fire into Eric’s shiny forehead.

“Hurry up!” Eric shouted. Juyeon was about to release his flick but instead, he pecked Eric on the lips and laughed, running into the kitchen. Everyone groaned at Juyeon’s loving gesture. Eric blushed.

“Hurry up! Get to cleaning, newbie,” Kevin said, as he flicked Eric instead. Eric shot a glare at the laughing Kevin and began collecting the bright, red rubbish that was torn and thrown in celebration of this festive day.

The doorbell rang suddenly after a few moments. Everyone was now lounging in the living room, watching the television.

“I got it,” Juyeon said. He got up from leaning against Eric’s torso and opened up the entrance of the apartment. Juyeon’s heartbeat froze and his body was drained of all the warmth he felt as he saw the face of the person he had forgotten about for the past three months.

“Hey,” Hyunjae said with a hint of embarrassment, waving timidly at Juyeon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, this chapter has quite a different tone than the previous chapters and the contents of the chapter aren't intended to attack any of the boyz members. this is all fiction and all for fun. enjoy :)

December 25, 2016, 8:03 AM

He slammed the door shut, leaving the stranger in the cold hallway. Making his way back to the living room, Juyeon returned to his comfortable position on Eric’s belly as if nothing had happened.

“Who was at the door?” Kevin asked, curious. Everyone’s attention was now fixated on Juyeon, waiting for his answer. The television program continued to play without a concern in the world.

“Some stranger, I don’t know,” Juyeon replied nonchalantly. The doorbell rang once more. Juyeon stayed laying on Eric’s soft stomach, folding his arms.

“The person’s still there,” Changmin said. The doorbell rang another time, followed by one more ring.

“Oh, for god’s sake! Go away!” Juyeon shouted at the door. Jacob got up from his seat and began walking towards the door. “Don’t open the damn door, Jacob.”

“You shut up and stay put,” Jacob quickly fired back. He walked to the door and opened the old piece of wood, coming face to face with the person who had broken his brother’s heart.

“Jacob, hi! Can I-.” Hyunjae was cut off short by Jacob’s scoff. He proceeded to slam the door shut but Hyunjae’s arm caught the door mid-swing before it sealed his opportunity to find a way to talk to Juyeon. “Jacob, please-.” He was cut off once more.

“Please what, Hyunjae? Please let you talk to my brother who you broke?” Jacob glared at Hyunjae dangerously. Only a few things could piss Jacob off to his boiling point and hurting the people that he loved was one of them.

“Jacob…” Hyunjae pleaded. “Please! You don’t even know the entire story!” Hyunjae held Jacob’s arm, half of his body inside the apartment. Jacob snapped him off.

“I know enough! And you better step the hell back before I call you in at the front desk for trespassing,” Jacob warned. Hyunjae took a step back outside into the frigid hallway. Hyunjae’s demure features contrasted the festive day and annoyed Jacob more than it should have. Still, the guy was shivering and even held a box in his hands, wrapped in decorative wrapping paper, tied off with a bow. Jacob sighed, hoping that the obvious mixture of frustration, disappointment, annoyance, and pity was heard by the pitiful Hyunjae standing in the hallway, shoulders slouched in depression.

“You wait there. You’re lucky enough to actually have me convince him to talk to you,” Jacob shot at Hyunjae. He closed the door roughly and made his way back to the living room, muttering “asshole” underneath his breath.

“You shouldn’t have opened the damn door,” Juyeon said once Jacob returned. “And no, I’m not talking to him.” Jacob stood there, crossing his arms.

“Well, the guy isn’t leaving. So, you either talk to him and get him to leave or you let him stay out there to freeze to death.” Jacob gave Juyeon his choices.

“I’d take the latter,” Juyeon laughed. “Sucks to be him, huh?” Juyeon nuzzled into Eric’s shoulder, watching the T.V. show. Changmin, Younghoon, and Kevin were listening to the dilemma intently, waiting for Juyeon to make his choice. Eric began to speak.

“Go talk to him,” he whispered. “You should.” Juyeon looked at Eric.

“The guy is a jerk, Eric! Nah, no way.” Juyeon continued to watch the television screen.

“Don’t be a jerk, too. Just talk to him. What’s the worst that could happen?” Eric continued to say softly, in a consoling way. Juyeon remained silent for a while until Eric nudged him softly.

“Fine! Okay! But all five of you are bailing me out of jail using your own money after I slit his throat.” Juyeon got up, frustrated and anxious, grabbed his padded winter coat and made his way to the door. He froze in front of the wooden mass and took a prolonged breath and waited. The door separated the broken Juyeon and the pleading Hyunjae; the warmth of the apartment and the cold of the hallway. Was Juyeon ready to enter this cold reality and confront it to get it over with? Screw it, Juyeon exclaimed in his mind and opened the door swiftly. With the most expressionless face he could muster, he spoke.

“What do you want?” Juyeon couldn’t even look the guy in the eye. Hyunjae looked relieved to see his ex-boyfriend’s face and sighed. “Hurry up, I don’t have all day. I’m watching-.”

“Friends,” Hyunjae completed Juyeon sentence. “Yeah, I know. That’s your favorite show.”

“Oh, please don’t start. What do you want from me Hyunjae?” Juyeon retorted. Hyunjae’s face contorted a little bit, but he kept a straight face.

“Sorry, I just… never mind. Can we please talk? Like somewhere else?” Hyunjae asked. Juyeon glared at him silently. “We didn’t have a proper sit-down-and-talk session about everything that’s happened with us.”

“Yeah I know. And I wonder why,” Juyeon replied sarcastically.

“Look, I know what I did was wrong. But now, I’m asking you to give me a chance here, to actually explain myself! So, please, can we go talk somewhere more private. Please.”

“Fine! Okay! Hurry up. Don’t waste my time.” Juyeon exited the apartment and followed Hyunjae out into the city.

______

He sat at the coffee shop he and Eric had had their study date a couple of months ago. Snow had started to fall on the way to the café. Juyeon crossed his legs, trying to look as unconcerned with Hyunjae as possible and sipped his coffee.

“Thanks for considering hearing me out,” Hyunjae thanked. Juyeon looked at him, his expression monotonous.

“Eh, free coffee never hurts, right? I just have to tolerate your explanations now. The coffee is making it slightly more tolerable, but not enough to keep me from wanting to punch you in between your eyes.” Juyeon chuckled pretentiously and sipped his coffee once more.

“Yes, I get that. But still, thanks. I know that I left a little sudden and out of the bl-.”

“A little? Ha!” Juyeon laughed. Hyunjae took a deep breath.

“Okay. I left really suddenly, and I broke things off with you out of the blue.” Hyunjae said. “And I admit it! I’ve had four months to think about that! And I hate myself for doing so.” Juyeon snorted.

“You should…” Juyeon hesitated a little bit. “You should feel awful about what you did-.”

“And I do!” Hyunjae said, louder than expected.

“Hyunjae! You were my boyfriend of four years for crying out loud!” Juyeon set down his coffee, disgusted. “You didn’t even think to tell me a few months in advance? Hell! I’d be okay with a few weeks! A few days would’ve sufficed! Think about how I must’ve felt!”

“I do! Every. Freaking. Night! You don’t think I feel guilty? You don’t think I have emotions? Feelings? I’m human too, Juyeon! And I have shit that I go through, too, Juyeon! I think about the horrible shit that I put you through! Every! Single! Freaking! Night! And I think about how I broke your heart! Did you forget about everything we’ve been through together? Or was that all thrown out from this one mistake that I made? Huh?” Hyunjae’s voice was now louder than the Christmas music coming out from the speakers overhead. Fortunately, no one else but the baristas were in the café. Juyeon sat there quietly, staring out the windows with his arms crossed, knowing that everything that came out of Hyunjae’s mouth was fact. Juyeon’s anger came out in the form of shouts now. The baristas either pretended not to hear anything or were just too busy with their work at the back. Luckily, the two boys were seated in the private areas of the café.

“Well, since you think about how I felt that day, how about I tell you exactly how your brokenhearted boyfriend felt that night, Hyunjae! I was torn, I fell back into the depression that you have always taken away. I lost the anchor that held me down and my life was thrown around. I could have prepared for this! You should’ve told me before! You should have prepared!” Juyeon shouted at the top of his lungs.

“How the hell can I prepare for my mom getting sick?!” Hyunjae yelled back. Hyunjae held back a sob. “God damn. You still never let me explain anything, huh? Even until now.” Tears were falling down his face now. “Tell me! How do I prepare for that? Sure, I got a scholarship! And the original plan was for me to go after we graduated together. But it all came so suddenly, Juyeon. So, my dad decided to move now and gave me a day to say goodbye to everyone! And as we speak, she’s still in the hospital back in Japan probably getting ready for another surgery.” Hyunjae’s voice cracked and broke from his suppressed sobs. Juyeon felt guilty for having screamed at his ex.

“Hyunjae…” Juyeon could not form the right words to say.

“It’s fine! You don’t have to feel guilty. I know you didn’t know and I should have told you back in August. I should’ve told you the real reason why we were moving so quickly. I… just couldn’t.”

“Hyunjae… I’m sorry,” Juyeon said, his eyes welling up with tears. Juyeon wanted to beat himself up for not having thought about his ex and only about himself.  
“I didn’t come back to Korea to try and get back with you. I know you’re dating Eric. We still follow each other on Instagram and you post non-stop about him. And I’m happy that he’s become your source of happiness. I really am. I just came back for two days just to collect my transcripts and to see you. I wanted to clear things up and get some closure between the two of us. You haven’t even responded to my texts.” Hyunjae wiped away his tears.

“Hyunjae…” Juyeon began. “I’m sorry. Look, if anything, I’m the jerk here.”

“No, don’t say that. You had the right to know these things. You were my boyfriend for crying out loud. You had the right to know. So, do not apologize to me. I came all this way to apologize to you, alright? And I’m freaking sorry. I regret everything. I’m just so glad to have had you in my life. You were everything to me. And I obviously ruined that. So, please, I hope you forgive me. I can’t even sleep at night.”

“Hyunjae, yes. I forgive you. Look at me, I’m an asshole. Your mom is in the hospital and I’m acting like a petty bitch. I’m sorry for not hearing you out.” Hyunjae sighed and nodded, sitting there silently for a few moments.

“My flight is in a few hours. I should get going, then.” Hyunjae looked at Juyeon, remorse still filled his eyes. “I hope everything is okay between us.” Juyeon nodded, not knowing what to say. “Oh, and before I forget. Here. Merry Christmas.”

“Thank you,” Juyeon said. “I didn’t get anything for you, though.” Hyunjae shrugged.

“That’s fine. As long as you’re happy now, that’s my present. Read the note first. And then open it, okay?” Juyeon remembered how Hyunjae had always told him in a cute voice while hugging him that he was his present. He nodded sadly. Hyunjae sniffled and wiped his face. “Alright then, I don’t want to be late. Keep in touch okay?” Juyeon nodded again, suppressing the tears back into his eyes.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry,” Juyeon said, depression filling his face. Hyunjae hushed him as he slung his backpack over a shoulder.

“Shut up, don’t feel sorry. The note first Juyeon, alright?” Juyeon nodded and Hyunjae was gone. Juyeon’s eyes filled with guilt-created tears as he looked at the note that was tied to the prettily wrapped present. He began to read.

_Look, I know I have no right saying this, but I still love you, Juyeon. Never will stop loving you. I promised that to you in freshman year. I haven’t broken that promise. And you trusted me in keeping that promise. But I broke that trust, and I’m sorry. You’ve heard me out and I’m thankful that you did, so please. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling like an ass. Because I’m the ass in this situation. I don’t expect you to feel the love you once had for me, because I’ve tarnished that completely. And I’m just glad Eric can be lucky enough to have you. So here. I’m returning this to you. Give it to Eric. He’s sure to keep the promise. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry. – Hyunjae_

Juyeon tears rolled down his cheeks as he tore the red wrapping paper off of the box. He knew exactly what Hyunjae had returned. Juyeon opened the small, black box and the silver ring inside gleamed from the café lights hitting its metallic surface. Juyeon had given it to Hyunjae for their one-month anniversary and had Hyunjae promise that he’d never break him. Juyeon’s tears dripped down his chin and onto his jeans, leaving them tear splattered. Juyeon sobbed softly, holding the ring close to his chest.


	13. Chapter 13

December 25, 2016, 9:34 AM

Hyunjae had left and he was left alone in the café. Alone, clutching the circle of metal, sobbing softly. He got up and returned home, returned to the arms of his boyfriend, who muffled the sobs he released into his embrace. The day continued from there and Juyeon could not think of anything else, but Hyunjae. Eric held him in his arms and cradled his sobbing boyfriend, running his fingers through his hair.

“Hey, don’t worry. Everything is okay, you’re okay, Hyunjae is okay, the whole situation is okay,” Eric said softly. Juyeon had told his five friends the entire story through sob filled chunks and kept having to return to Eric’s arms to comfort the depression he now felt for being an absolute jerk to the one person who had given him happiness for four years of his life. The ring was still tightly encased in Juyeon’s hand, wanting to embed itself permanently into his skin. Juyeon kept having to tell himself that. Everything is okay. Hyunjae was on his way back to Japan and Juyeon kept having to refrain himself from allowing him to make his way back into his heart. Eric stopped that, and he remembered that where he was now, who he had at this given point in time, and what he had accomplished with Eric by his side encased a multitude of good tidings and happiness. Juyeon took a breath and opened his hand, the ring gleaming and reflecting the room’s light. 

“Here,” Juyeon said to Eric. “I want you to have this. Just take it. You don’t have to do anything, and you don’t have to promise me anything for taking it.” Juyeon slid the circle of silver onto Eric’s right ring finger and tried to clear his mind and Eric looked at him consolingly, not asking him what the ring was for. Everything is okay. Everything is going to be okay. Okay?

______

June 5, 2017, 12:02 PM

Kevin turned to look at his two brothers, dressed in the royal blue colors of their academy. It had been months since Christmas day since Juyeon and Hyunjae cleared the air between them since Juyeon told himself that everything was going to be okay. It did, to his surprise. Kevin fixed Juyeon’s tassel and adjusted the graduation cap he now wore proudly on his head. Changmin smoothed out the flowing cascade of royal blue he wore and sighed proudly at himself in the mirror. Juyeon looked at his phone and noticed he had received a text message. It was from Hyunjae. Juyeon smiled.

_hey! congrats! today’s the big day, go kill it. eric is already facetiming me, we’re just waiting for you guys to enter._

_hey, thank you! i’m really excited, hope everything goes well._

_you’ll be fine :)_

_thanks, okay ttyl, we have to go get ready._

_kk, break a leg!_

“Finally,” Changmin exhaled, glad to have been graduating already. Kevin chuckled and Juyeon sighed nervously. He was glad he and Hyunjae were able to rebuild their friendship and it took the weight of being stressed out off of Juyeon’s shoulders.

“You okay?” Kevin asked. “Hey! Everything’s fine. We made it!” Juyeon smiled. 

“We should go get in line,” Juyeon replied. “The ceremony is going to start soon. The three boys exited the bathroom of the auditorium and joined their other classmates, getting in their respected lines. Juyeon was unfortunately lined up next to the person who beat his face to a pulp’s henchman, but Juyeon chuckled anyways. The jerk’s expulsion didn’t allow him to graduate and Juyeon gladly smiled from getting the asshole expelled. The bruises were worth it. Soon, it was time for the lines of the rich blue color to march triumphantly into the auditorium, hearing screams and shouts of pride and happiness. The atmosphere was contagious and Juyeon couldn’t help but smile. He turned around, looking five people down, and exchanged looks of happiness with Kevin. Changmin was up ahead of them and he also turned around, getting Juyeon’s attention, pointed up at the bleachers for him to look.

He did, and he spotted Eric, holding up a banner that said “JUYEON I LOVE YOU!” and Juyeon blushed. His boyfriend was a dork and he yodeled out his name at the top of his lungs for everyone in the auditorium to hear. Soon, every student was seated, and their principle began the ceremony. Juyeon couldn’t believe that he actually was graduating; he had thought that he would have to repeat senior year while Kev and Changmin graduated without him. But Juyeon looked at Eric, the person who had helped him through it all, who was seated in the bleachers, watching him throw his hands up in the air as Juyeon redeemed his diploma from the hands of his principle, hearing the cascade of the deafening applause.

As Juyeon accepted his diploma, memories of the past school year came into play inside his headspace in a flurry of rushed recollection. The memories of meeting Eric on the first day of school, not knowing how he should have felt upon seeing his face, getting told that Hyunjae was moving to Japan all of a sudden, feeling angry, emotional, sad, the depression fell before him came rushing back, but he remembered Eric and his face and how he parted the storm clouds of his life with rays of sunshine, he thought of Jacob and Kevin and Changmin and Younghoon and how he loved them, but everything came back to Eric as he looked at him from across the auditorium as he went nuts shouting at his graduating boyfriend.

______

June 6, 2017, 3:45 AM

They sleepily made their way to the airport the morning after Juyeon, Kevin, and Changmin’s graduation. Eric had made sure that everyone had their passport ready and their tickets prepared. He was the only one wide awake while everyone was silent on their bus ride to the airport. Juyeon rested his head on Eric’s shoulder and Eric played with Juyeon’s fingers, interchangeably interlocking their fingers together. He brought Juyeon’s interwoven hand up to his lips and kissed it softly. Soon, the bus arrived at the Incheon International Airport and everyone had gotten off the massive bus taking their bags and luggage with them. Eric had neatly packed everything into his luggage and had to help Juyeon, who had never traveled to a foreign country, pack his clothes and items. 

About an hour of checking in and finding their gate later, the six boys made their way into the gargantuan United Airlines plane and took their seats in the middle of the plane. Eric had made sure that his dad registered his seat next to Juyeon and everyone else he didn’t care about, surprisingly. Surprisingly. Just as long as he was seated next to Juyeon on this 14-hour flight to the U.S. of A. They boarded the plane and shimmied their way through the narrow aisles of the plane, finding their seats and storing their baggage in the overhead storage containers. They sat down, out of breath, and sighed at each other while exchanging looks.

“Are you guys excited?!” Eric said to his friends, dancing happily.

“I think you’re more excited than us, Eric,” Younghoon laughed. 

“Well, yeah! The States is freakin’ awesome… Well, despite there being a crappy president and crappy racists and crappy pollution. You know what, not everything is awesome but it’s still kinda awesome,” Eric explained.

“And that’s why, ladies and gents, you go to Canada,” Kevin said, giving Jacob and high five as he rested his head on his shoulder. He yawned sleepily. “Okay, I’m gonna knock out so don’t bother me.” He pulled his face mask up, covering his mouth as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Eric turned to Juyeon.

“Are you excited?” he said softly, looking up at his boyfriend. Juyeon closed his eyes and nodded happily.

“Yeah, if you’re excited then I am, too,” Juyeon assured. Eric placed his cheek on Juyeon’s shoulder and Juyeon did the same on the top of Eric’s head. 

“Good, because I have tons of things planned. I wanted to take you to this secret beach area that only me and a few of my friends back in L.A. knew about,” Eric said with a yawn. Juyeon’s eyes opened and his mind was called to attention at the mention of a secret beach, it sounded familiar and safe. 

“Go to sleep. You were awake the whole bus-ride here,” Juyeon told his partner. “I’m going to sleep, too.” And they did, nestled on each other for the entirety of the flight to Eric’s hometown. However, Juyeon dreamt; he dreamt of the same scene he had always been dreaming since August.

_Eric shuffled in his sleep and opened his eyes, looking at Juyeon who was cradling him in his sleep like a baby. Juyeon’s eye bags were prominent and cute, as Eric had always seen them._

_“Sleep well?” Juyeon asked. Eric nodded, his face groggy from having only recently woken up. Eric yawned and placed his head on Juyeon’s chest, their legs intertwined in the sandy beach shore they now sat on._

_“So, how do you like the beach? It’s nice, right?” Eric asked, looking up at Juyeon’s chin. Juyeon looked down and smiled._

_“It’s amazing. I haven’t even seen a beach like this in person, only in the movies. How’d you find it?” Juyeon asked, his tone curious._

_“Some friends and I did some exploring. And it became a regular place to hang out, away from everyone and everything.” Eric yawned again. The night was cool and the breeze was refreshing. The palm trees rustled in the night wind and the crash of the waves lulled Eric back to sleep. Juyeon giggled at his sleepy boyfriend. Juyeon did the same, without a care in the world, listening to ocean waves, not noticing the storm class forming in the distance._

The plane jolted several times and the sound of the plane’s tires rubbing against the asphalt of the L.A.X. runway shook the five boys awake. Younghoon stretched his arms and Changmin rubbed his face against Younghoon’s sweater-covered torso. Kevin took off his mask and yawned while Jacob tried to go back to sleep. Eric pointed outside, pulling Juyeon’s attention to the beautiful blur of the Californian cityscape, palm trees lining the streets and the site of the blue sea waiting for them. Juyeon had thought about his dream, wondering if the beach Eric had told him about would be any similar to the one he had painted in his dreamscape. He was surprised that, by coincidence, he had dreamed of this secluded beach even before meeting his boyfriend who was now going to bring him to a private seashore. 

When they got off the plane and into the city, Eric called for a taxi that would take them to Hotel his dad had prepared for them to stay at. Eric was thankful that his family had connections through his dad’s job so that they didn’t have to pay too much for living expenses. On the car ride there, Juyeon was entranced on the city sites, the sunny atmosphere of it all, the business of everyone yet their relaxed attitudes. He was amazed by everything, “woah-ing” at every single thing. Everyone kept laughing at the weird attitude Juyeon was in, already accustomed to his moody and hard attitude back home.


	14. Chapter 14

June 8, 2017, 12:45 PM

It had been three days into the boys’ event-filled vacation in Los Angeles. Eric was excited to bring him to every attraction that he could bring them to, the pier side he’d been taken to as a child with carnival attractions and junk food to gobble up and the beach where a multitude of people lounged and did whatever they wanted: street performances, sun tanning, swimming, everything was happening. 

It was Younghoon, Changmin’s, and Juyeon’s first time trying American carnival food like s’mores and funnel cake. To Juyeon’s surprise, he didn’t quite enjoy the overly sugary and drowning desserts, however, Younghoon loved them and kept having Changmin feed him pieces of his. Eric looked at Juyeon and opened his mouth, producing a prolonged “ah” sound, and Juyeon shoved the entire funnel cake he was done eating into Eric’s mouth. Eric burst out laughing and nearly choked on the leftover dessert Juyeon had gotten rid of. 

Kevin laughed at the two boys followed by Jacob. Everyone was enjoying their time here, guided by Eric who felt at home in the warmth of the Californian sun and the refreshing breeze of the nearby sea. 

“I’m glad you took us here,” Juyeon said. “I really like it.”

“I’m happy you do. I just feel so comfortable back here and I just had to show you guys what it’s like,” Eric replied. “I want to show you what my home is like, although my real home is already wherever you are.” Juyeon cringed at Eric’s affectionate response. Eric winked at his boyfriend, chuckling.

“Oh my gosh, is that Beyoncé?!” Kevin shouted at the top of his lungs. “Oh my god, oh my god! Jacob! Beyoncé.” Kevin frantically pointed at the elegantly dressed woman standing a few feet away inside a store behind a glass window. Jacob squinted to see if it was actually the goddess herself.

“That’s not Beyoncé, Kev,” Eric chimed in. “That’s literally just a wax figure.” Kevin didn’t believe Eric and made his way quickly into the store and made his way quickly out when he had proven for himself that it was, truly, a wax figure. He looked disappointed and the rest of the group laughed at the disappointed boy, standing with his shoulder slumped. 

“I thought I was going to meet my mom…” Kevin said sadly. The laughter continued, and the six boys carried on with the carefree day of activities. 

______

June 8, 2017, 8:34 PM

Later on, in the day, the group made their way back to the Holiday Inn that they were staying at. Everyone was starting to get tired, returning to their rooms and plummeting into their white, silky beds that they instantly sank into upon coming into contact with the soft, fluffy hotel bedsheets. Younghoon and Changmin were snuggled, Changmin on top of Younghoon, burying his face in Younghoon’s hair. Kevin was on his laptop showing a video to Jacob, laughing every now and then.

Eric was looking for an opportunity to bring Juyeon to the beach he had discussed with him earlier in the week, on the plane – and now was the time that he could.  
The setting was perfect since the sun was about to set. Everyone but Eric was surprised to see that the sun was still high up in the sky even during the later parts of the P.M. day. It was nearing nine o’clock in the evening and Eric grabbed Juyeon by the arm and dragged him out of the hotel room that everyone was now relaxing and lounging in.

“We’ll be back before eleven,” Eric announced to the group. “See you all later!” Changmin and Younghoon were too preoccupied to hear him.

“Don’t die!” Kevin said without looking up from his computer screen.

“Be safe, take your cellphones,” Jacob said with conviction.

“Yep, got them. See you later!” Eric hurriedly made his way out of the room and out of the hotel doors and halted a taxi for the two of them to ride. 

“Where are you taking me?” Juyeon asked, laughing curiously.

“To that beach I was talking about,” Eric explained. Juyeon suddenly felt anxious at Eric’s excitement, thinking about the dreams that he had been having for almost a year now. He didn’t know why the anxiously suddenly burst to life at this point in time, but it did. His chest hurt, and his face contorted, feeling the anxiousness flood all over his senses, flowing into his bloodstream, and sending pangs of distress into his heart. “Hey, don’t worry. It’s not too far from here. Trust me, you’ll love it.” Eric’s reassuring, soft features calmed Juyeon and he nodded, compliantly. 

Eric told the driver an unfamiliar address and the blur of the city began to play as the car moved at incredible speeds, the buildings and people whirring away like the reel of an old film, cracking, shimmering, and fuzzing out every so often.

______

Finally, the taxi stopped and Eric payed the old, weathered driver plus tip. Eric was generous even though he didn’t have enough, yet he still continued his path of generosity. Juyeon noticed this and made him love Eric even more. Juyeon slung his arm around Eric. The sun was now slowly making its journey down from the sky, casting the land in a nice, bright orange. It wasn’t sunset yet, but it would soon be. And the night would follow, encasing the light with a calming indigo darkness dotted with glimmering stars and the effervescent moon.

“Where are we?” Juyeon asked his boyfriend.

“This is the neighborhood I grew up in. It’s a seaside neighborhood and the secret beach I was talking about is nearby. C’mon.” Eric motioned for Juyeon to follow by interlocking their hands together, their fingers intertwined. 

“How was it like?” Juyeon asked. Eric looked at him, confused at the vague question his boyfriend had just asked. “How was it like growing here?” They continued walking, feeling sad and at peace from being together and having this moment together.

“I loved it, actually. I loved the city and I loved the beach. All my friends used to live around here, but I don’t see them anymore, ever since I moved to Korea. I plan on visiting them later on during this trip, but right now, I wanna show you the beach.”

“What did you love? Like aside from being in the city? How’d you feel?”

“I felt… I’m not sure. Do you know the feeling of just being in a place where you just find yourself comfortable with everything? Like you don’t have to worry about having to fit in and having to conform to a lifestyle that you know isn’t yours, to begin with?” Juyeon nodded, trying to understand Eric. “It’s like… I’m not sure. All I know, and I’m serious, is that I felt those feelings again when I met you.”

“Eric…” Juyeon began but didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know how I would have lived back in Korea if I hadn’t met you in Mr. Lee’s or if you hadn’t bumped into me at the convenience store. Everything just happens for a reason.” 

“Yeah, I get you.” They continued walking in silence until they found a stairway into the sandy, area of the public beach.

“So this is the public beach that everyone in the neighborhood comes to, but the secret beach I’m talking about is behind those rocks over there.” Eric pointed to massive rock formations that look impassable and impossible to climb. The powerful waves crashed into the hard, stone formations. “Do you see that bundle of plants over there?” Eric pointed but Juyeon couldn’t see where he was referring to. Eric took Juyeon’s cheek gently in his hand and turned it in the proper direction, so that he would see what Eric was seeing.

“Oh, yeah! Those bushes,” Juyeon said, enlightened. Eric nodded.

“Yeah, so my friends and I were exploring the area as kids would and noticed that behind all the green in a cavern that you can crawl through. And on the other side, there’s a small sandy area that you can just hang out in, away from everyone else.”

“Nice,” Juyeon said. They continued walking towards the rock formations that Eric was guiding Juyeon to. “Did you and your friends go there often?”

“Yeah, all the time.” The two boys neared the massive stone cliff, standing proudly in the glow of the setting sun like guardians or soldiers, protecting a lost treasure. They walked along the shore until they approached the brush of vegetation that Eric had pointed out to Juyeon. “We’d just come here to swim or do… like…”

“Illegal stuff? Juyeon said, eyeing his boyfriend playfully.

“Yeah, exactly,” Eric laughed back. “Okay, let’s see. Help me with this.” Eric began to pull back the leaves and bushes that blocked and hid the entrance to the cavern the two boys were now about to enter. Juyeon pulled back the flexible branches and revealed a dark entrance to a cave and a distant light at the end of it. “Okay, hop through. Then hold the branches to the side once you’re in so I can get through.” 

Juyeon did as such and the two were now walking in darkness, hearing the occasional drip of water and the muffled sound of the ocean waves behind them, crashing onto the rocky cliff face. 

“This is crazy. I can’t believe you guys found this just out of curiosity.” Juyeon was now looking around, his eyes adjusted to the dark interior of the cliff.

“Well, people say curiosity kills the cat, but in this case, curiosity got us a nice freakin’ place to hang out,” Eric exclaimed. Juyeon laughed at Eric’s snarky remark and sling his arm around his boyfriend as they walked, following the light that guided them to the end of the cavern.

“I can’t wait for you to see the beach. It’s not much, but it’s definitely more private than the other beaches here in L.A. It’s a nice way to seclude yourself for some time,” Eric said as the two now approached the far end of the cavern.

“Yeah, I need that all the time. This world… is just too much…”

“Tell me about it.” Eric moved aside the vines that hung low on the exit they now came to and revealed Juyeon’s dreamscape. Again, Juyeon felt the anxiousness rise up in his chest.

He stepped through the exit of the cavern and onto the sandy surface of the isolated beach. He scanned the area, comparing the landscape to his dreamscape. Every square inch of the area was a carbon copy to the one he had for the past year. 

“You okay?” Eric asked, brushing his hand against Juyeon’s arm. ‘C’mon. I wanna lay here in the sand. Looking at the stars are amazing, and the sun is almost set.” Juyeon anxiousness dissipated for a moment but came back in small bursts. He followed Eric to a shady area underneath a rocky overhang and sand down on the white sand. Juyeon sat next to the person he loved and positioned his body flat on the sandy surface of the beach, placing his head on Eric’s lap. He laughed.

“I like this,” Juyeon said, looking up Eric, seeing inside his nostrils. “You have a booger, by the way.” Juyeon laughed out loud. His anxiousness was replaced by adoration as he stared at his boyfriend’s handsome face. 

“Oh my god,” Eric said. He pulled out a napkin from his pocket and blew his nose clean. “Better?” Juyeon laughed as he nodded. Eric always had a napkin ready to use and Juyeon always wondered why. It reminded him of the very first day he had met his boyfriend when Eric had offered him a napkin from his pocket to wipe away the drool. Both events that now occurred paralleled each other, both embarrassing and a little bit gross, but still kind of cute. 

Their feet were immersed in the white sand of the beach and their ears were fixated on the steady drone of the hum and crash of the ocean waves both on the sandy shore and the rocky cliff. The rays of the setting sun penetrated the barriers of clouds in the orange sky and warmed the two boys who were lying next to each other. Eric had also decided to lie down next to Juyeon, his arms underneath his head, looking up at the orange sky.

The sun was now setting and slowly made its descent into the ocean, setting the cascade of blues and greens in a vivid, powerful orange flame that kindled the entire landscape in this vibrancy. Soon, the sky was dark and the glittering lights of the stars twinkled as brightly as Eric’s eyes did whenever Juyeon looked into them. Eric had started pointing out constellations, one’s that Juyeon had never even spotted in the night sky, let alone heard about.

“There’s Orion’s belt. And there’s Capricorn. And Leo.” Eric was fascinated, and his attention fixated on the stars. Juyeon looked at one star that sparked his attention, one that shone brightly than all the other stars in the sky. He looked at Eric’s face and he noticed his eyes on his features. Eric turned to look at Juyeon, not smiling.

“What?” he asked shyly. The two boys now lay across from each other, their faces close and their noses touching. 

“Nothing, I just… love you,” Juyeon said, blushing. Eric chuckled softly.

“Well, I love you, too. You know that, right?” Eric asked. Juyeon nodded and pecked Eric’s lips softly underneath the stars. He felt Eric’s smile and was reminded of their first kiss. Juyeon immersed himself in the kiss, feeling happy that he was here and that he was here with Eric. The two released themselves from each other for a moment. Juyeon’s anxiety attack he was experiencing earlier had been thrown out completely for a feeling of closeness and happiness, now being in Eric’s arms. “I love you, Juyeon. Don’t ever forget it. If we ever lose each other, we’ll find a way back to each other, right?”

“Right,” Juyeon replied. Juyeon hugged Eric close to his chest, feeling his breathing and Eric feeling Juyeon’s. The sky twinkled, and the moon was full, as full as the overflowing love Juyeon had for Eric. “You’re exactly, right.” Juyeon inhaled Eric’s fresh scent and nuzzled his face into his hair. He planted a kiss on Eric’s forehead and the two boys, the two individuals from extremely different worlds who brought stability and happiness to each other’s lives, drifted off into sleep just like Juyeon had dreamt – his dream becoming a reality that he was overjoyed to live in. They slept, smiles forming on their lips as they slumbered.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, the last chapter, it was really fun writing this fic. i hope you like how i end the fic, thank you again for reading <3

The hum of the ocean waves and the sound of their steady crash woke Juyeon up slowly. He recollected the events that had happened before he had fallen asleep but seemed to have lost the ability to recollect them. He thought that it must have been from being so elated and overjoyed to have Eric wrapped in his arms underneath the clear Californian sky. 

Juyeon’s hand made its way to feel the sand that he now lay on top of, wanting to feel each grain of the sandy material slide down the spaces between each of his finger. He brushed against the sandy surface but felt cloth. _Had Eric put a blanket underneath us? I don’t remember him doing that._ Juyeon thought to himself. _Weird._

Juyeon turned around and motioned to cuddle the boy that slept soundly next to him. He could hear the heavy breaths that he produced and wrapped his arm around Eric. He felt softer than usual, squishy at the waist, and seemed to have put on a sweater. _Was he wearing a sweater? I didn’t even notice._ Juyeon continued to think to himself. He continued to cuddle Eric. _This boy is so freakin’ soft. What in the world, I love him so much._ Juyeon smiled, his eyes still shut. Eric’s breathing was all he focused on and began to drift back into the hazy realm of sleep until-

“Juyeon get up!” _Did Kevin follow us to the beach?_ Juyeon thought. _Was he following us?_ Juyeon opened his eyes and was confronted by his roommate in his school uniform. “It’s seven oh five! You’ve wasted five minutes in bed. Hurry up Juyeon, we’re going to miss the train!” 

Juyeon shot up from the bed he was laying in, thinking it had been the sandy shore he was laying in moments ago. He scanned his surroundings and found himself in his bed.

“Wow, you got up quick,” Kevin said. Juyeon’s face went cold and his hands began to shake. “What’s wrong Ju-.”

“Where’s Eric?” Juyeon exclaimed, staring at Kevin. “Is this some kind of prank?”

“What the hell are you talking about? Who the hell is Eric? Are you okay Juyeon?” Kevin looked at him confused as he buttoned up his uniform jacket. 

“Do not mess with me right now!” Juyeon grabbed his phone and his eyes welled up with tears as he read the date: August 20, 2016. “No… No! NO!”

‘What is wrong with you? Juyeon, are you okay?” Juyeon ignored Kevin’s pleas and ran out of his room and saw Jacob cooking in the kitchen. 

“Jacob! Are you playing some kind of joke on me?” Jacob turned to the frazzled Juyeon who had confronted him this early in the morning. “Where the hell in Eric? And why the hell aren’t we in California?”

“Juyeon? What’s happening? Are you okay?”

‘No! I’m not okay Jacob!” Juyeon heard Changmin and Younghoon exit their room behind him. Kevin was heard behind them as well.

“What’s going on?” Changmin asked. Younghoon hummed in agreement to his question, wanting to know the answer.

“He’s asking about an Eric. Like, who the heck is Eric?” Kevin asked, looking at his apartment-mates in disbelief.

“You shut up! You know exactly who I’m talking about! Eric! The guy who we took into our apartment. Eric who we made an effort to love and accept as one of us.” Juyeon had started shouting now. “Eric the guy in my language arts class! Eric the guy who I loved! Eric my freaking boyfriend!”

“Boyfriend?” Changmin said as he approached Juyeon slowly, his hands gently holding him on the shoulders as a way to try to stabilize Juyeon who now breaking down in tears. “Juyeon, your boyfriend is Hyunjae. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“No! I’m not!” Juyeon bawled, tears rolling down his face. He was held by Changmin in his arms as he sobbed into his chest. Everyone else just looked at the mess that Juyeon was making of himself as he started to break down. Was he losing his mind? He sure felt like he was losing his mind. He and Changmin were now on the floor, Juyeon barely being able to support his own weight.

“C’mon,” Jacob said, hoisting his brother up. “You probably just had another really realistic, bad dream.”

“And that’s the funny thing,” Juyeon began. “This dream was one of the best ones I’ve ever had.” Juyeon continued to sob, tears streaming down his face as he hugged Jacob, tears streaming down his face as he rode the train on the way to his second first day of senior year, tears streaming down his face as the desk beside him in Mr. Lee’s class remained empty, tears streaming down his face as he checked their Mini Stop, tears streaming down his face as he returned home and went to bed without eating anything, tears streaming down his face as he miserably continued on with his life. The tears poured down in torrential currents that seemed never-ending and eventually, Juyeon grew used to the feeling of the hot, wetness on his cheeks but could not grow used to living without Eric by his side. Tears streamed down as he tried desperately to return to his dreamscape that he was violently awoken from.

**Epilogue**

He had begun working at their Mini Stop as a part-time job to save enough money that he could help Jacob and the rest of his apartment-mates with. He hadn’t told them about the real purpose of the part-time job and he wiped his face with a napkin he pulled out from his pocket as he sat on the plane he was about to ride. He needed to make sure and he needed this stress taken away. So, as the plane took off, he slept, alone. And as the plane landed, he entered the warm city, alone. And as he halted a taxi to take him to the unfamiliar address he had memorized, he watched the reel of the city blur whiz by, alone. And as he walked down the staircase down to the cliff face, he listened to the ocean waves crash against the rock, alone.

He fixed the baseball cap he wore and adjusted the straps of his backpack. He moved the bush aside like they did, walked through the cavern like they did, and put his feet into the white sand of the shore like they did. 

Scanning the area, though, he wasn’t able to find him. All these years of saving up and all this time dreaming that he’d finally be able to see the person he had grown accustomed to loving in actual, face-to-face interaction was wasted and he let his knees buckle underneath him and he let the weight of his body fall into the sand and he let the tears he had accomplished in suppressing for months roll down from his eyes and onto the white sand. 

His apartment mates had thought he was going crazy and he kept having to assure them that he was not. He was working toward a goal. He was working toward making his dream come true. He scratched his head in frustration and screamed at the top of his lungs, battling the loudness of the crash of the ocean waves. He screamed and cried and fell and screamed. He was hopeless, and he screamed. 

His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was ghoulish, his features starting to sink into his skull. He gave up and felt like releasing his last breath. At least he could rest peacefully on the beach that he had dreamt, nuzzling himself into his features and… and… 

But as he was about to allow himself to return to the ground from which he came, he heard the sand behind him get kicked up by a pair of sneakers. He turned back and saw him, and immediately regained the strength to get to his feet.

The reddish-brown hair and the soft cheeks and blockish eyebrows and the slim face and the smooth skin and the small hands and the boy… the boy of his dreams stood there before him. His eyes twinkled in the morning sun and his lips… he remembered his lips the most; how pink they appeared and soft they were when his lips were interlocked into them.

Eric smiled at him and his mouth twitched slowly into one that mirrored Eric’s. Eric’s expression was not confused and more understanding as if he knew what he was feeling and what he was now going through as if Eric had gone through what he had gone through as well – as if they both met somehow through a dream.

Juyeon and Eric stood there in their dreamscape, a tear escaping both of their eyes.


End file.
